Mukilteo Musings

Thoughts About my Mother-in-Law

Yesterday, Dave's Mom died.


She was 89. The sad story is that Ruth has been suffering from Alzheimer's for more than 15 years and has been in a nursing home for 10. We wish and she wished death would have taken her then. This is a cruel, horrible disease. When President Reagan died, I actually felt a little jeolousy of Ron, Jr. (a good Seattleite, by the way) and Patti because their ordeal was finished. Now, we have relief and her good spirit is finally set free.

Dave's parents always reminded me of Ron and Nancy Reagan. They were good Republicans and they even resembled them a little. Dave's Dad, Zip, was tall, good looking and athletic. Ruth was tiny at barely five feet tall, slim, feminine and pretty. They were married for 61 years until death parted them when Zip died but I would say Alzheimer's parted them on their 50th Anniversary in 1989. It was during those grand festivities that Ruth became totally confused. Kaley was just a baby at the time and now at 16, she has no memory beyond the nursing home of a Grandmother she would have dearly loved.

Ruth loved buying dolls and doll clothes for her grandchildren. Specifically, I remember how she loved the American Girl dolls which were brand new shortly before Kaley was born. Her other granddaughters were outgrowing the doll stage. One day at her kitchen table which was always the center of activity in Dave's house, she showed me an American Girl catalog and lamented that her five granddaughters were too old. As it turned out a few years later, Kaley loved the American Girl dolls and I mourned the loss of Ruth's chance to dote on her youngest grandchild. What a source of joy it would have been for the both of them.

Lucas knew his Grandmother a little before Alzheimer's robbed him of her love. Ruth and Zip traveled to Hawaii with us when Lucas was two. In Kona, Ruth bought Lucas these darling little banana flip flops. The strap went between his toes and the four of us adults laughed as we watched tiny Lucas trying to walk. He knew the sandals were special and even though he hated the feeling, he wore them, nevertheless.

Lucas particularly remembers ice cream around the famous kitchen table in Helena, Montana. After a family dinner, Ruth would ask, "Anybody want ice cream?" She loved ice cream. Of course, Lucas would say yes. After downing gigantic bowls, Ruth would clean up. A few minutes later, in those days of fading short term memory, she would announce yet again, "Anybody want ice cream?" For a five year old boy, this was the most perfect Grandma you could have.

As for me, I remember her generosity and kindness. Dave was her youngest child. Dave's older brother and sister had seven children between them years before Lucas was born. Dave and Janet were the childless hippies of the family wearing nothing but jeans and going no place without their beloved Golden Retriever, Monty. I overheard Ruth jokingly comment when we were packing up to leave after a trip home, "I don't know why those kids need a suitcase when all they wear is dirty jeans." Yet, she treated our dog as though he was a grandchild, giving him her famous gigantic bowl of ice cream along with the rest of the kids. Monty had the run of her house though she drew the line when he climbed up on her white velvet couch for a nap.

So good bye, Ruth. We love you. I wish you could have remembered your two youngest grandchildren. By the way, Kaley just loved the doll quilt you made for her when she was born--the doll quilt that matched her baby quilt. She would tuck it around her American Girl doll when she'd kiss her good night.