Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I am Terrified and Full of Anxiety

Our 33rd Wedding Anniversary is coming up next week on June 16. Oddly, this is the day our Kaley graduates from high school. Doubly odd is that Lucas graduated three years ago on June 16th---our 30th Anniversary. Kamiak High School does not hold graduation on June 16th every year; it just happened. How weird is it that by chance both of our children's graduation ceremonies landed on our Wedding Day?? The year was 1973. Frankly, I cannot think of a better way to celebrate our marriage.

But I am worried. My president is saying that we should be afraid---we should be very afraid. According to his words, our "family structure is being undermined". According to the president's friends, "our children's future is at risk" and our "marriage is under attack". Not only is our marriage on terribly thin ice, evidently, our marriage is also "under assault". I am so scared. Things are so bad that my president has told me that our marriage needs to be "protected"! He thinks the U.S. Constitution needs to be amended and to start the process he wants Congress to pass the "Marriage Protection Act".

Why is our marriage being attacked? I do know that heterosexual marriages have more than a 50% failure rate. So does the Marriage Protection Act outlaw divorce? No.

I do know that certain heterosexuals like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Donald Trump seem to take wedding vows lightly with quick divorces, annulments and multiple marriages. It doesn't seem to bother these folks to have children with more than one person. Is this what they mean about our children's future at risk or that the family structure is being undermined? Are these practices being outlawed in the Marriage Protection Act? No.

I also know that alcohol and violence can be very devastating to heterosexual marriage. In fact, the leading cause of death of pregnant women is murder by a husband or boyfriend. Does the Marriage Protection Act address these issues? No.

I also know that the young people coming back from Iraq are understandably having a tough time reuniting with spouses. Many Iraq War veterans have children who have had a terrible time without their parents---especially if they never come back. Lots of kids have Dads now who can no longer throw a baseball or kick a football with them because they have lost arms and legs. Does the Marriage Protection Act do anything about how the Iraq war is affecting families? No.

The reason we need to be terrified is gay people. I guess gangs of gays and looting lesbians are coming to our house in Mukilteo. Because we have been married for 33 years, they are going to break down our front door to break down our marriage. I guess the threat is that they will kidnap our children and force them into homosexual relationships. They are destroying our family. So we need protection.

Our president is going to protect us from gay people by amending the U.S. Constitution. I feel so much better.....since our 33rd Anniversary is next week.