Saturday, June 21, 2008

First Chemo

Yesterday, Dave took me in for my first chemo. I was scared. I knew a little of what to expect because I went with my Mom to her first chemo. Beforehand, my nurse explained everything that would be pumped into me including side effects. Seriously, the information was overwhelming and I thought I might faint. She was wonderful as have all of the nurses been. By the way, her husband is from Great Falls and he is also a nurse at SCCA.

I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart, again, for the prayers. You know it is weird to say this but I run out of the energy to pray. And sometimes, I do not know what to pray because my ultimate prayer is to get all of this mess out of my body. My prayers are short--help me to be calm; help me to not be scared; give me peace; give my family strength; and the Lord's Prayer---always the Lord's Prayer. So this is where all of you come in because you are praying the prayers I haven't been capable of managing right now. And I really do feel it. When they are doing something disgusting to my body, I can feel all of you lifting me up and out of it.

The first chemo has given me strength because I know now there are chemicals in my body fighting the bad cells. This is extremely calming and my pain is much less today because I am relaxed. I have a few days off from doctor visits. Whew! I even shaved my legs and put on shorts and a tank top because it is supposed to be sunny. I still see just overcast but it is warm.

The irony of my situation is not lost on the caregivers we have encountered. My husband is a cancer research scientist who stumbled into his work by studying toxic chemicals we should keep out of our bodies.

And now I am full of both.