Sunday, August 03, 2008

But Wait, There's More!

These past couple of months I have spent more time in front of the TV than I normally would. I have my perch on the couch with my pillows and afghan. Oftentimes, when I am in pain or feeling particularly tired, reading books, looking at magazines or even reading the newspaper is a little more than I can handle. Cable TV gets my business. Even though my appetite has been affected, I still enjoy the Food Channel and watched with interest as the new Food Network Star was selected.

I am intimately familiar with what is happening in the presidential election campaigns and have decided if I have to be sick, I am glad it is during a presidential election year. Politics is one of my big interests. However, the local ads for governor are becoming tiresome. Some of the ads make the candidate I do not support look like he might actually eat babies if given the chance. We get the message--ok, people?!

But it is the advertisements for various products and services that are beginning to drive me absolutely bonkers. Do not get me wrong. I do not spend every waking minute on my perch in front of the TV. Sometimes, I am outside and lately, my daily walks have increased to my regular 1.7 mile route with hills and everything. I do not always feel like going on a walk but you just have to try to make it work. I don't deny that afterwards, I collapse onto my perch feeling exhausted.

I won't even get into the Viagra, Levitra, Cialis or Flomax ads. These I tune out. Also, I still do not really understand the Verizon commercials with the huge crowd of people following you around as if this is a wonderful thing. Now the crowd seems to protect families from ghosts and horrible things.

Here are the five commercials that truly bug me:

1. E Harmony. For weeks now they have been running this ad where these two people found each other to live happily ever after. They discovered through E Harmony they had everything in common. I'm sorry, but the man and the woman look exactly alike with the same mild under bite and hair color. I am certain they were twins separated at birth and raised by different parents only to become connected with one another on an online dating service. It was not my imagination. When I mentioned it to Dave, he told me he thought the exact same thing. I am not sure they are running this ad anymore. Perhaps the couple discovered the true circumstances of their remarkable compatibility and are now undergoing psychotherapy.

2. Catheter. An attractive young woman explains how terrible her life has been because she has had to reuse catheters. Having recently had the experience of catheters with some of my medical tests, this commercial caught my attention. I do not know why the commercial does not stop at this point and explain how you can obtain new catheters. But no. The woman goes on and on to explain how she has had to boil used catheters leaving her with urinary tract infections. Way too much information! Plus, the ad makes me disgusted with our health care system if we even have to have advertisements for new sterile catheters.

3. Centaur in the shower. This commercial scares and disturbs me. A half man and half horse is taking a shower with Old Spice. After the shower, he is then joined by an attractive woman in a robe. Yikes! What is the message supposed to be with this one?

4. McDonald's coffee. We have all seen these ads. Hip looking people are sitting in a Starbuck's when they realize they can get the same type of fancy coffee drinks at McDonald's. They are so relieved they do not have to be pretentious and go to Starbuck's anymore. Come on! Do people really think they'd enjoy sitting in a McDonald's with screaming and sticky children and tiny tables with crumbs and uncomfortable plastic chairs? Give me a comfy Starbuck's overstuffed chair and a fireplace any day!

5. But Wait, There's More. Billy Mays, the Oxy Clean guy is simply too much for this ill person to bear. Last night I saw him selling a hamburger press/grill thingamajig probably on the food channel. And of course, if you order it, they will send you three more useless items for the same price. He yells at the top of his lungs throughout all of his commercials. I have decided he may be profoundly deaf and nobody has informed him.

Actually, there are some commercials that are not so bad. Maybe someday, I'll post those.