Thursday, August 14, 2008

A New Day and A New Attitude

We have had some difficult days over the past two months. I do not deny it. Very early on when I first received the diagnosis and when all of the procedures and the first chemo left me quite ill, there were times I was not sure I'd make it through the summer. I would be curled in the fetal postion on my bed saying to Dave I did not know if I could do this.

But then, even though the doctor told me the effects of the chemo would be cumulative, leaving me more weak and tired each time, I still felt better. The difficulty breathing went away. This odd cough I had went away. The fevers and the night sweats went away. Some of the pain in my lower abdomen and my side went away. I discovered I was using less pain medications and I was able to eat more. I still have difficult mornings and some trying evenings because of the chemo effects on my digestive system, though.

Yesterday morning was just delightful. I woke up with the knowledge that Tum and his buddies in my abdomen were getting blasted away. A dear old friend of ours from Nashville was passing through on his way back from fishing in Canada. He joined us for breakfast coffee and pastries on our deck in the bright sunshine and we shared the news with him. We had some big and wonderful hugs and some prayer. After he left for the airport, I continued to spend a pleasant morning outside. I think the best way to describe it is that I was rejoicing though I only thought of the word just now. One of my protectors, a bald eagle, was sitting in a tree and I observed a hummingbird flit around and fly off.

I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. I do not feel great a good share of the time. However, knowing that the chemo is working changes everything. It is easier to visualize and imagine positive effects. I will have more stamina to tolerate the icky parts. I have learned that mass prayer is uplifting and powerful. The whole "hope" thing has grown tremendously. Staying positive and pulling myself off of the couch to walk and clean out the dishwasher and live my normal life will continue to be a challenge.

With God's ever presence, I am doing the best I can. And yes, I will be around to vote in the presidential election!