Mukilteo Musings

Update---I'm Doing Better

When we were having our conversation with my oncologist last Monday, Dave and I were doing all of the talking. Dr. Back then asked if he could put in his two cents worth. It was quite a funny moment, actually. We stopped talking and listened. My problem is that I have been afraid to take too much of the powerful medications they have provided for me but Dr. Back was astounded at how little I am taking. My pill cutter is my favorite little household appliance at the moment.

Basically, we have added a little bit more medication in the mornings and it has made a tremendous difference. My doctor is not concerned I will become addicted to anything given my behavior thus far. This morning I was able to enjoy watching the boats out my kitchen window while drinking my coffee and reading the Sunday paper. Next Sunday, I think I will not have a problem with getting to church. Do you realize how significant it is to enjoy the simple ordinary routine parts of daily life? This is has been my biggest loss with this illness and being able to retrieve some normalcy is exquisite.

The timing of my illness, I have decided, is kind of perfect if one can say something like this. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything big. My kids are grown up and doing well. It would have been a disaster in terms of my children to be going through this 5 or 6 years ago (though I believe the cancer has been in me 10 years at least). We have traveled the world most recently to Japan and Chile---places I never thought I would experience. My husband and I have taken a cruise, we have been to Europe and Hawaii a number of times. Dave is in a position at work where he is able to take time to be with me. I did not have a job crucial to our financial well-being because I certainly could not be working. To be honest, I have the time and leisure to manage this particular journey of my life.

I do have my list on the refrigerator of my future desires, do not get we wrong. But I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself that I am missing out on all of life's pleasures. Even if I wasn't sick, currently I would be enjoying my house and garden and time with my husband. Yes, we'd be going out to dinner which I still have not been able to do.

Achieving more comfort during my day so that I can enjoy my ordinary life is truly a gift. Again, I thank you all for your booster prayers--they worked yet again.