Saturday, December 06, 2008

How Am I Feeling Today?

In my life, things have usually worked out well for me. I like to feel in control of issues. This cancer business has changed all of this. There is not much I can do about these next rounds of chemo except to relax into them with a positive attitude.

I have been having moments of anxiety. I am facing fear and my own mortality right in the face. My priest was helpful and I keep thinking about what she said to me. It is ok to be mad at God. He can take it but I must always be reminded that I am His child no matter what. He is taking care of me and He will take care of me. I need to take each day and each moment one at a time rather than finding myself worrying about what is to be. Somehow I have to turn my fear into a positive emotion.

The new drug will have different side effects so I am not sure what to expect. The good news is that the drug that has caused my neuropathy is the one they are replacing. Hopefully, the numbness I feel in my tongue, on my face and in my feet and hands will subside. Walking Apolo will be easier if this happens. At least, what I am feeling or not feeling now will not be any worse.

My brother called me last night and told me I am just like an old car that needs fixing. Sometimes you try one thing and it doesn't work but then something else does. Here is to the hope that they will keep me running for a while---a long while.

Update: I am going to shout. THE NEW DRUG IS GOING TO WORK!!!