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Saturday, December 06, 2008

How Am I Feeling Today?

In my life, things have usually worked out well for me. I like to feel in control of issues. This cancer business has changed all of this. There is not much I can do about these next rounds of chemo except to relax into them with a positive attitude.

I have been having moments of anxiety. I am facing fear and my own mortality right in the face. My priest was helpful and I keep thinking about what she said to me. It is ok to be mad at God. He can take it but I must always be reminded that I am His child no matter what. He is taking care of me and He will take care of me. I need to take each day and each moment one at a time rather than finding myself worrying about what is to be. Somehow I have to turn my fear into a positive emotion.

The new drug will have different side effects so I am not sure what to expect. The good news is that the drug that has caused my neuropathy is the one they are replacing. Hopefully, the numbness I feel in my tongue, on my face and in my feet and hands will subside. Walking Apolo will be easier if this happens. At least, what I am feeling or not feeling now will not be any worse.

My brother called me last night and told me I am just like an old car that needs fixing. Sometimes you try one thing and it doesn't work but then something else does. Here is to the hope that they will keep me running for a while---a long while.

Update: I am going to shout. THE NEW DRUG IS GOING TO WORK!!!

// posted by Janet @ 11:05 AM

11 Comments:

I truly believe you can do this. You keep shouting, Janet.Ashby

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:04 PM  

Dearest Janet, Your mom stopped by after Everett Burt's funeral & told us the news. Your prayers are indeed heard - I'm sure you're praying without ceasing! I am praying for you and your family as well each a.m. I Peter 3 says that God's ear is attentive to all our prayers. I have clung to certain scriptures when it gets dark - Isaiah 55:8-9 God says His thoughts & ways are higher than ours. We don't always understand that His great love for us causes Him to mold and prune us to be more like Him. Molding & pruning can hurt terribly, as you know. Romans 8:28 is ALWAYS my comfort: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Trusting seems near to impossible sometimes. God bless you - keep trusting.

By Blogger Phyllis Mason, at 12:28 PM  

Janet,
I read your latest blog's, and wept for a few minutes, then thought.. No, Janet wouldn't want me~ or anyone else~ to do that.. She would want us to focus all our thoughts and emotions on prayer and support. So here ya go Janet... My prayers and positive thoughts are with you. My hopes are that Christmas is going to be wonderful, and your spirits are going to be high and your strength will be limitless.

Mick wont read your blog. He said he doesn't need to, because he KNOWS you are going to conquer this cancer...That you are going to be stronger & better soon. His warm thoughts, prayers and confidence is sent your way!

We love you and your family.
Blessings, prayers and hope,
Denise

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:37 PM  

Janet, I am saying prayers for you and your family and asking that you all have strength and hope and faith and relief from fear. And I am pryaing for your Doctors that they may find the right treatments and the right cure for you. And of course I am pryaing these things too becuase you are such a special person and I love you and it tears me up to know how you are hurting. So the prayers make even me feel better and I hope they do you too. Blessings, Leslie

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:50 AM  

Dear Janet,
Bill and I are shouting with you-what a neighborhood this will be with all of shouting with you!!!
THE NEW DRUG IS WORKING!!!

Love,
Helen

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:20 PM  

Big shouts from Berkeley too Janet. Your priest is so right, no matter what is happening God holds us in the palm of his/her hand.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:41 PM  

I KNOW THE DRUGS ARE WORKING!!!

Hello. You don't know me. I stumbled onto your blog when looking for information about Mukilteo when a friend announced she was moving there.

I have been following your story for about three months now. Over Thanksgiving Weekend I went further back into your archives and read more of the past. Please don't think I am a crazy stalker. I am not. I am someone who has laughed and cried while reading your story, someone who has been inspired beyond words because of your bravery, someone who prays for you daily. I am fortunate to work for a Christian organization and you are continually held up in prayer by our staff.

I look forward to reading many many more years of your Mukilteo Musings...

By Blogger Leslie Krug, at 7:32 PM  

I've been following your blog ever since I heard the news. I just wanted to let you know that I have been sending good thoughts your way, and am thinking of you (and the whole family!) often. Keep blogging, because it's only going to make you stronger. You will beat this! =)
Lots of love,
Stevie

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:32 PM  

Janet here is that poem I mentioned below...

Life's Weaving

Life is but a weaving
between my God and me;
I may not choose the colors,
He knows what they should be.

For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side,
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.

Sometimes He weaveth sorrow,
Which seemeth strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment,
And work on faithfully.

'Tis He who fills the shuttle,
He knows just what is best;
So I shall weave in earnest
And leave with Him the rest.

At last, when life is ended,
With Him I shall abide,
And I may view the pattern
Upon the upper side,

Then I shall know the reason
Why pain with joy entwined,
Was woven in the fabric
Of life that God designed.

.................Author Unknown

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:04 AM  

Thank you Ashby for reading and being supportive of my Mom, thank you my dear cousin Phyllis for your deep faith, thank you Denise and Mick who I love, thank you Leslie for being with me in spirit, thank you Helen next door for the gorgeous cookie jar and cookies and for your thoughts, thank you, Leslie Krug, for telling me my words have touched you, and thank you SusanG for the poem about the tapestry. Weirdly, this tapestry has hit from several different and unconnected sides since last week. Obviously, God is speaking to me through it, somehow.

By Blogger Janet, at 10:53 AM  

Stevie, I am assuming you are Kaley's friend, Stevie. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and sending positive thoughts. Luv ya, Janet

By Blogger Janet, at 3:59 PM  

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