Friday, October 31, 2008
Spooky Halloween
Finally, we have some Halloween candy to give out this evening. It is always difficult to judge how many trick or treaters we will have because we live on a hill and a dead end street. Our weather is breezy and drizzly so my guess is we will have older kids and teens but not too many little ones.
I am feeling good today so I braved the rain to do my walk with Apolo. I do not know if it is my heightened senses or if we are having the most astoundingly beautiful fall in years. I think the latter because Dave agrees with me. The leaves are colorful and plentiful. Our huge maple trees are shedding leaves bigger than dinner plates. I collected a few on my walk and decided to arrange them for a photo. This is our kitchen table which happens to be a slice of a giant cedar tree under a piece of glass. The white underneath the leaves is a piece of computer paper just to give an idea of size:
Big maple leaves and a small vine maple leaf and tiny red Japanese maple leaves.
Yes, today is Halloween. I love it that my son still needs my advice on how to accomplish some type of costume. He went to work today dressed as the lawyer that Dick Cheney shot. Lucas was having trouble figuring out how to put make up on to show a face full of shot. Several phone calls solved the problem, I hope.
Typical for the day of Halloween, Apolo woke me up at 7:30 this morning with his scared bark. I know the meaning of a variety of the noises he makes. Apolo is a scaredy-cat, no doubt about it. He made the decision to sleep downstairs in the rec room after New Year's and Fourth of July fireworks frightened him upstairs in the family room. What in the world could be scaring him at 7:30 and downstairs no less? Take a look at those leaves above. I imagine one of them flitted down past the rec room window in the spooky early morning light and startled him. Either that or we have a ghost or two.
We misplaced our Halloween decorations in all of the remodeling mess. I have not exactly been up to searching the house for them but this morning Dave pulled them out from the back of a closet. I mean I have to wear my witch's hat to give out candy, after all! Anything to help my Nick Nolte hair. Before Dave left for work, he hung up Frankenstein and poor Apolo barked and ran behind the table. He was even afraid of me in the witch's hat. The monster mask completely did him in. Ok, so he was still wagging his tail. I think he is like a little kid and kind of likes Mom and Dad to scare him. Besides, it gave us a good laugh. However, I did decide to put Frankenstein out on the porch to greet children. Otherwise, Apolo would bark his head off all day.
Frankenstein---scary to Apolo anyway!
I think we are ready for Halloween and I am happy to have a little energy to enjoy the day. Our traditional Halloween dinner is a pot of chili but I'm afraid even writing the word "chili" makes me nauseated. Dinner is the only missing piece.
Happy Halloween!
UPDATE: We quite a few kids last night because the weather cleared up---more darling little ones than teens. And I answered the door each time because I love talking to the children. Speaking of children, my daughter dressed up as a rat with the bubonic plague last night. My kids do like "icky!"
Kaley as a sick rat.
Finally, we have some Halloween candy to give out this evening. It is always difficult to judge how many trick or treaters we will have because we live on a hill and a dead end street. Our weather is breezy and drizzly so my guess is we will have older kids and teens but not too many little ones.
I am feeling good today so I braved the rain to do my walk with Apolo. I do not know if it is my heightened senses or if we are having the most astoundingly beautiful fall in years. I think the latter because Dave agrees with me. The leaves are colorful and plentiful. Our huge maple trees are shedding leaves bigger than dinner plates. I collected a few on my walk and decided to arrange them for a photo. This is our kitchen table which happens to be a slice of a giant cedar tree under a piece of glass. The white underneath the leaves is a piece of computer paper just to give an idea of size:
Big maple leaves and a small vine maple leaf and tiny red Japanese maple leaves.
Yes, today is Halloween. I love it that my son still needs my advice on how to accomplish some type of costume. He went to work today dressed as the lawyer that Dick Cheney shot. Lucas was having trouble figuring out how to put make up on to show a face full of shot. Several phone calls solved the problem, I hope.
Typical for the day of Halloween, Apolo woke me up at 7:30 this morning with his scared bark. I know the meaning of a variety of the noises he makes. Apolo is a scaredy-cat, no doubt about it. He made the decision to sleep downstairs in the rec room after New Year's and Fourth of July fireworks frightened him upstairs in the family room. What in the world could be scaring him at 7:30 and downstairs no less? Take a look at those leaves above. I imagine one of them flitted down past the rec room window in the spooky early morning light and startled him. Either that or we have a ghost or two.
We misplaced our Halloween decorations in all of the remodeling mess. I have not exactly been up to searching the house for them but this morning Dave pulled them out from the back of a closet. I mean I have to wear my witch's hat to give out candy, after all! Anything to help my Nick Nolte hair. Before Dave left for work, he hung up Frankenstein and poor Apolo barked and ran behind the table. He was even afraid of me in the witch's hat. The monster mask completely did him in. Ok, so he was still wagging his tail. I think he is like a little kid and kind of likes Mom and Dad to scare him. Besides, it gave us a good laugh. However, I did decide to put Frankenstein out on the porch to greet children. Otherwise, Apolo would bark his head off all day.
Frankenstein---scary to Apolo anyway!
I think we are ready for Halloween and I am happy to have a little energy to enjoy the day. Our traditional Halloween dinner is a pot of chili but I'm afraid even writing the word "chili" makes me nauseated. Dinner is the only missing piece.
Happy Halloween!
UPDATE: We quite a few kids last night because the weather cleared up---more darling little ones than teens. And I answered the door each time because I love talking to the children. Speaking of children, my daughter dressed up as a rat with the bubonic plague last night. My kids do like "icky!"
Kaley as a sick rat.
// posted by Janet @ 1:39 PM
2 comments
Horrible
Yesterday, on the news I heard that a man had committed suicide by setting himself on fire on the UW campus. I was sorry and horrified. I did not assume Dave would necessarily even know about it because the campus is large and he has two offices.
But last night when he arrived home, he explained that he witnessed the tragedy along with many students. Dave was in his upper campus office when the fire alarm went off. The building was evacuated. He believes now that a person was retrieving a fire extinguisher and set off the alarm in the process. He noticed some smoke and people gathering. Unfortunately, he came upon the man on the ground after the flames were out. According to the newspaper, young students acted heroically to save the man's life but the gasoline fire was too instense. The man was still alive and mumbling when Dave saw him. The UW police were trying to help him and make him comfortable until aid cars arrived. He died after being taken to the hospital.
The person was a 61 year old man who had been an employee at the University. This is all we know currently. What I find so hard to understand is why someone would take their own life away. Here I am fighting every single day for my own life and I just do not get it. I feel so deeply saddened for this man and his family. My prayers go out for the people who loved and knew this man.
Here is the link to the story:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/385728_fire31.html
Yesterday, on the news I heard that a man had committed suicide by setting himself on fire on the UW campus. I was sorry and horrified. I did not assume Dave would necessarily even know about it because the campus is large and he has two offices.
But last night when he arrived home, he explained that he witnessed the tragedy along with many students. Dave was in his upper campus office when the fire alarm went off. The building was evacuated. He believes now that a person was retrieving a fire extinguisher and set off the alarm in the process. He noticed some smoke and people gathering. Unfortunately, he came upon the man on the ground after the flames were out. According to the newspaper, young students acted heroically to save the man's life but the gasoline fire was too instense. The man was still alive and mumbling when Dave saw him. The UW police were trying to help him and make him comfortable until aid cars arrived. He died after being taken to the hospital.
The person was a 61 year old man who had been an employee at the University. This is all we know currently. What I find so hard to understand is why someone would take their own life away. Here I am fighting every single day for my own life and I just do not get it. I feel so deeply saddened for this man and his family. My prayers go out for the people who loved and knew this man.
Here is the link to the story:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/385728_fire31.html
// posted by Janet @ 9:48 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Chemo Room Gossip
Unfortunately, on Monday, the beds were all taken and I had to get my five hours of chemo in a chair. At least it reclined but the chair rooms are only separated by curtains and the area was extremely noisy. Since my chemo seems to take longer than most people who are in the chairs, I had the chance to overhear several stories. Oh, and by the way, my nurse looked at me when we first arrived and stated, "Oh, your hair is kind of wild."
"Yes, I know. I look like Nick Nolte these days---especially in the morning." And I thought my hair looked ok!
An older woman next to me was in for pancreatic cancer which is nasty and worse than colon cancer. But here is the thing: she was going on a trip between chemos and she said the chemo did not bother her at all and she was able to eat whatever she wanted. I'm thinking, "What?" Perhaps her chemicals are different than mine. Another young woman who was there before the older woman was having trouble getting out of bed everyday because of her chemo. I did not catch what type of cancer she had. A personal trainer visited her and told her she needed to gain her strength back. She provided a whole litany of exercises for her to do and reminded her that even a 10 minute walk was better than no walk at all. I picked up some good pointers from my eavesdropping.
However, by the end of the day, the noisy place and the chair were getting to me and I began to feel nauseated. I just wanted out of there. The traveling nurse who hooks me up to my infusion pump was late on top of it all. Finally, walking outside and leaving to go home helped me feel better.
Today, I was to be unhooked from my pump and again there was a glitch in the scheduling and we had to wait an hour for the nurse to arrive at the hospital. Luckily, this time I saw no dead bodies. I do find it aggravating to have to wait to be unhooked because when it is done, I want to be free of it. The black fanny pack, containing chemicals that are saving my life, sleeps with me. goes to the bathroom with me, showers with me and eats with me for three days. It is nice to be detached from it!
Two more times. Only two more times do I have to go through all of this. I am going to make it. Two more times.
My pump and me on our way today to get unhooked!
Unfortunately, on Monday, the beds were all taken and I had to get my five hours of chemo in a chair. At least it reclined but the chair rooms are only separated by curtains and the area was extremely noisy. Since my chemo seems to take longer than most people who are in the chairs, I had the chance to overhear several stories. Oh, and by the way, my nurse looked at me when we first arrived and stated, "Oh, your hair is kind of wild."
"Yes, I know. I look like Nick Nolte these days---especially in the morning." And I thought my hair looked ok!
An older woman next to me was in for pancreatic cancer which is nasty and worse than colon cancer. But here is the thing: she was going on a trip between chemos and she said the chemo did not bother her at all and she was able to eat whatever she wanted. I'm thinking, "What?" Perhaps her chemicals are different than mine. Another young woman who was there before the older woman was having trouble getting out of bed everyday because of her chemo. I did not catch what type of cancer she had. A personal trainer visited her and told her she needed to gain her strength back. She provided a whole litany of exercises for her to do and reminded her that even a 10 minute walk was better than no walk at all. I picked up some good pointers from my eavesdropping.
However, by the end of the day, the noisy place and the chair were getting to me and I began to feel nauseated. I just wanted out of there. The traveling nurse who hooks me up to my infusion pump was late on top of it all. Finally, walking outside and leaving to go home helped me feel better.
Today, I was to be unhooked from my pump and again there was a glitch in the scheduling and we had to wait an hour for the nurse to arrive at the hospital. Luckily, this time I saw no dead bodies. I do find it aggravating to have to wait to be unhooked because when it is done, I want to be free of it. The black fanny pack, containing chemicals that are saving my life, sleeps with me. goes to the bathroom with me, showers with me and eats with me for three days. It is nice to be detached from it!
Two more times. Only two more times do I have to go through all of this. I am going to make it. Two more times.
My pump and me on our way today to get unhooked!
// posted by Janet @ 4:11 PM
4 comments
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Some This and That
1. Chemo. Out of the two weeks, I seem to get one afternoon of feeling near normal. Right at this moment, I feel pretty good and it will stay this way for a good share of the afternoon. But, of course, tomorrow morning I go in for my 10th chemo and I start the coping and enduring all over again. The other day, I caught myself saying, "This damn chemo." I realized immediately the error of my ways because the damn chemo is working to save my life. It is saving my life!
2. Fire. Poor Kaley. She lives in a century old five story apartment building next to campus in Walla Walla. On Thursday night, a fire erupted in the basement. The firefighters banged on the door of Kaley's 5th floor apartment to get her and her roommates, the last residents to evacuate, out of there. It was 1 AM and Kaley was terrified moving through the smokey hallway and down five flights of stairs. Luckily, the fire was limited and everything was taken care of within an hour---but still! I cried thinking of my child being in such danger and scared. Here is the link to the story in the Walla Walla newspaper:
http://union-bulletin.com/articles/2008/10/24/local_news/081024local02fire.txt
3. Wedding. Yesterday, our niece, Lisa, was married to Andrew. We are so fond of both of them. I had been anticipating this wedding for weeks because I desperately wanted to feel normal enough to attend. We had already given up reservations in Vancouver to watch Apolo Ohno skate in a World Cup competition for the weekend because I knew such a trip was impossible with how I have been feeling. But a wedding close by? Though Lisa grew up in Spokane, she now lives and works in Seattle and the wedding was local. I kept thinking I could tolerate a short drive down the freeway, a short ceremony, and then we could play it by ear for the rest of the day. Both Friday morning and yesterday were tough for me. I was not so much in pain as I just felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was most comfortable prone in my bed. I would tell Dave I couldn't get ready---getting dressed up was just too much. I told him to go without me but this was not what I wanted at all. I would fiddle my my last strands of hair then lie down; I would put on a little make up then lie down. Finally, I mustered the strength to put on my rather heavy necklace with matching earrings and we started down the freeway with the understanding we would turn around if I did not perk up.
Even though we became completely lost in Kirkland, we arrived with five minutes to spare. My niece looked gorgeous in her mermaid strapless gown. Our other niece, Lisa's sister, was maid of honor and she looked darling in a red strapless dress. Our nephew and his wife who live in London flew in with their new baby. We had not seen him in years. Lisa's other brother and his wife and child were also there along with Dave's brother and sister in law. Everything was beautiful. The fall flower arrangements were combined with pumpkins. The food was catered by one of Seattle's best restaurants. The best thing about it was that I enjoyed myself and I actually socialized. I learned that my sister in law's sister from Wisconsin is praying for me and has me on her church's prayer list. Wow! Wisconsin. Who would have thought? Dave and I even danced and at that point I became emotional. I do believe the photographer took a photo at the moment I teared up. Oh well. I lost my vanity a few weeks ago. We stayed longer than I ever thought was possible and I was so happy we made it!
4. Halloween. Yikes! I do not even have any candy though I do think we have some left from last year someplace in the pantry. I cannot believe it is this week. The good news is I do not need any type of costume. This is a current picture of me only with even less hair:
And, as a matter of fact, my body looks like a skeleton so in your minds, simply replace the Hawaiian shirt with bones and there ya go! No costume needed whatsoever.
Hmmm. I am wondering if Dave should answer the door this year??!!
1. Chemo. Out of the two weeks, I seem to get one afternoon of feeling near normal. Right at this moment, I feel pretty good and it will stay this way for a good share of the afternoon. But, of course, tomorrow morning I go in for my 10th chemo and I start the coping and enduring all over again. The other day, I caught myself saying, "This damn chemo." I realized immediately the error of my ways because the damn chemo is working to save my life. It is saving my life!
2. Fire. Poor Kaley. She lives in a century old five story apartment building next to campus in Walla Walla. On Thursday night, a fire erupted in the basement. The firefighters banged on the door of Kaley's 5th floor apartment to get her and her roommates, the last residents to evacuate, out of there. It was 1 AM and Kaley was terrified moving through the smokey hallway and down five flights of stairs. Luckily, the fire was limited and everything was taken care of within an hour---but still! I cried thinking of my child being in such danger and scared. Here is the link to the story in the Walla Walla newspaper:
http://union-bulletin.com/articles/2008/10/24/local_news/081024local02fire.txt
3. Wedding. Yesterday, our niece, Lisa, was married to Andrew. We are so fond of both of them. I had been anticipating this wedding for weeks because I desperately wanted to feel normal enough to attend. We had already given up reservations in Vancouver to watch Apolo Ohno skate in a World Cup competition for the weekend because I knew such a trip was impossible with how I have been feeling. But a wedding close by? Though Lisa grew up in Spokane, she now lives and works in Seattle and the wedding was local. I kept thinking I could tolerate a short drive down the freeway, a short ceremony, and then we could play it by ear for the rest of the day. Both Friday morning and yesterday were tough for me. I was not so much in pain as I just felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was most comfortable prone in my bed. I would tell Dave I couldn't get ready---getting dressed up was just too much. I told him to go without me but this was not what I wanted at all. I would fiddle my my last strands of hair then lie down; I would put on a little make up then lie down. Finally, I mustered the strength to put on my rather heavy necklace with matching earrings and we started down the freeway with the understanding we would turn around if I did not perk up.
Even though we became completely lost in Kirkland, we arrived with five minutes to spare. My niece looked gorgeous in her mermaid strapless gown. Our other niece, Lisa's sister, was maid of honor and she looked darling in a red strapless dress. Our nephew and his wife who live in London flew in with their new baby. We had not seen him in years. Lisa's other brother and his wife and child were also there along with Dave's brother and sister in law. Everything was beautiful. The fall flower arrangements were combined with pumpkins. The food was catered by one of Seattle's best restaurants. The best thing about it was that I enjoyed myself and I actually socialized. I learned that my sister in law's sister from Wisconsin is praying for me and has me on her church's prayer list. Wow! Wisconsin. Who would have thought? Dave and I even danced and at that point I became emotional. I do believe the photographer took a photo at the moment I teared up. Oh well. I lost my vanity a few weeks ago. We stayed longer than I ever thought was possible and I was so happy we made it!
4. Halloween. Yikes! I do not even have any candy though I do think we have some left from last year someplace in the pantry. I cannot believe it is this week. The good news is I do not need any type of costume. This is a current picture of me only with even less hair:
And, as a matter of fact, my body looks like a skeleton so in your minds, simply replace the Hawaiian shirt with bones and there ya go! No costume needed whatsoever.
Hmmm. I am wondering if Dave should answer the door this year??!!
// posted by Janet @ 10:46 AM
5 comments
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
One of Those Days
Fall is in full swing. Sometimes when I am dealing with my symptoms, I fail to look around me. Today is outstanding if a little coolish. The foliage is turning all hues of gold, red and yellow and it is set against a backdrop of brilliant blue. I took these pictures this morning:
From the Back Deck.
From the Front Deck.
Apolo On the Back Deck.
Fall is in full swing. Sometimes when I am dealing with my symptoms, I fail to look around me. Today is outstanding if a little coolish. The foliage is turning all hues of gold, red and yellow and it is set against a backdrop of brilliant blue. I took these pictures this morning:
From the Back Deck.
From the Front Deck.
Apolo On the Back Deck.
// posted by Janet @ 12:39 PM
2 comments
Monday, October 20, 2008
First Outing
Since my diagnosis, I have not really been on any kind of outing except for my medical appointments, my walks, and an occasional brief trip to the store or the beach. On Saturday, Lucas came over for dinner because Magali was ice climbing on Mt. Baker and he asked us to come and visit them to see their apartment. Yesterday afternoon, I felt well enough to take a little trip into Seattle's Ravenna neighborhood where they live. It was fun to see their living space and to realize it is just steps away from our first apartment in Seattle. After we visited them, we drove by our first apartment near 55th and 25th behind Kidd Valley Hamburgers. Kidd Valley was there 29 years ago as it is today and our apartment looked pretty much identical.
We proceeded to drive into the Wedgewood neighborhood to see our first rental house but we made a side trip to Top Pot Doughnuts. I regretted that we did not stay and bought some things to go. I was up for sitting with a cup of coffee which I have not done for months I realized a few minutes later after we were back in the car. Chomping down on delicious fresh doughnuts, we drove past our first little house at 89th and 35th and then circled the block in Jackson Park at 130th and 15th where we bought our first house. All the while we were discussing the early years in Seattle, our babies, and the beautiful fall foliage. Finally, we stopped at Central Market in Mill Creek and found some food to cook for dinner. Believe me, when we got home, I was tired but we had a delightful and normal Sunday afternoon. It felt so wonderful to me.
The funniest event of the weekend was my discovery that our master bathroom is becoming famous. A couple of weeks ago, we received a life and homestyle magazine with our newspaper. I have kept it around to look at some the remodels they featured and a couple of their recipes. I swear I had looked through it about three times. While Lucas was here, I was leafing through it again and noticed an ad which featured a bathroom. My first thought was "Wow, those people's bathroom looks kind of like ours!" My second thought was "Wait a minute. Those are my candle holders. THIS IS OUR BATHROOM in the home and lifestyle magazine." I showed it to Dave and Lucas and we had a good laugh. I mean I was reading the recipe on the same page and did not even notice.
The ad was placed by our contractors for their kitchen and bath remodel business with two photos---one of someone's kitchen and the other being our master bath. We decided to visit their website and sure enough, our bathroom is featured as an example of their work with several pictures. We are delighted. We love our bathroom and it has made my illness more bearable in a number of ways. I will provide the link so that those of you who are interested can sneak a peek. Our bathroom is the thumbnail in the middle and if you click on it, you will find more pictures. Actually, ours is the only bathroom included in their portfolio:
http://lambertgray.com/Portfolio/remodel_portfolio.html
All in all, the weekend was nice. Today, I am having the yucky one week later chemo effects because the steroids have worn off but I still made it on my walk today with Apolo. I can do this.
I can endure it for three more times. Yes, I can!
Since my diagnosis, I have not really been on any kind of outing except for my medical appointments, my walks, and an occasional brief trip to the store or the beach. On Saturday, Lucas came over for dinner because Magali was ice climbing on Mt. Baker and he asked us to come and visit them to see their apartment. Yesterday afternoon, I felt well enough to take a little trip into Seattle's Ravenna neighborhood where they live. It was fun to see their living space and to realize it is just steps away from our first apartment in Seattle. After we visited them, we drove by our first apartment near 55th and 25th behind Kidd Valley Hamburgers. Kidd Valley was there 29 years ago as it is today and our apartment looked pretty much identical.
We proceeded to drive into the Wedgewood neighborhood to see our first rental house but we made a side trip to Top Pot Doughnuts. I regretted that we did not stay and bought some things to go. I was up for sitting with a cup of coffee which I have not done for months I realized a few minutes later after we were back in the car. Chomping down on delicious fresh doughnuts, we drove past our first little house at 89th and 35th and then circled the block in Jackson Park at 130th and 15th where we bought our first house. All the while we were discussing the early years in Seattle, our babies, and the beautiful fall foliage. Finally, we stopped at Central Market in Mill Creek and found some food to cook for dinner. Believe me, when we got home, I was tired but we had a delightful and normal Sunday afternoon. It felt so wonderful to me.
The funniest event of the weekend was my discovery that our master bathroom is becoming famous. A couple of weeks ago, we received a life and homestyle magazine with our newspaper. I have kept it around to look at some the remodels they featured and a couple of their recipes. I swear I had looked through it about three times. While Lucas was here, I was leafing through it again and noticed an ad which featured a bathroom. My first thought was "Wow, those people's bathroom looks kind of like ours!" My second thought was "Wait a minute. Those are my candle holders. THIS IS OUR BATHROOM in the home and lifestyle magazine." I showed it to Dave and Lucas and we had a good laugh. I mean I was reading the recipe on the same page and did not even notice.
The ad was placed by our contractors for their kitchen and bath remodel business with two photos---one of someone's kitchen and the other being our master bath. We decided to visit their website and sure enough, our bathroom is featured as an example of their work with several pictures. We are delighted. We love our bathroom and it has made my illness more bearable in a number of ways. I will provide the link so that those of you who are interested can sneak a peek. Our bathroom is the thumbnail in the middle and if you click on it, you will find more pictures. Actually, ours is the only bathroom included in their portfolio:
http://lambertgray.com/Portfolio/remodel_portfolio.html
All in all, the weekend was nice. Today, I am having the yucky one week later chemo effects because the steroids have worn off but I still made it on my walk today with Apolo. I can do this.
I can endure it for three more times. Yes, I can!
// posted by Janet @ 3:07 PM
5 comments
Friday, October 17, 2008
Laughter
Difficult times make laughter hard to come by. And yet, it is during these times that laughter becomes important for life, enjoyment, and healing. Some days I watch "Ellen." She makes me laugh. My favorite prayer book at the moment, "Praying Through Cancer" by Sorenson and Geist has a prayer about humor. Eva Rice, one of the contributors laughed about how her eldest daughter referred to her as the family zombie as she was enduring her chemotherapy. She saw the humor in wandering from room to room without being able to focus on a conversation. I find that chemo does the same to me. I cannot always focus on my morning newspapers and reading entire books has become difficult. What I have found myself doing is wandering around the house to make sure my knick knacks and pictures are straight and precisely where I want them. Ok, it is weird but it gives me some control and happiness. I guess I am a knick knack zombie!
Here is Eva's wonderful prayer that this zombie has read a number of times---because I cannot remember it after reading it once:
Heavenly Father, You are my hiding place. You preserve me through difficult times. You surround me with songs of hope. I know that my future is in Your hands. You know what's best for me and my loved ones. I thank You for how You have brought me healing and for Your peace that passes all understanding and guards my heart and mind through Jesus Christ.
Even though there has been much weeping, I know that You have said, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Thank You for all the joy You have brought through family and friends. Thank You for all the healing that comes from visits. It pulls me through. I have felt Your presence in their loving care. I ask that You always make me hear joy and gladness even when humanly impossible. You have said, "A cheerful heart is good medicine." I want Your good medicine to flow through me and produce a cheerful heart. Thank You! Amen
This past Sunday's Seattle Times had an article in the travel section about Chico Hot Springs in Montana. It just so happens that we have been to Chico two times with the kids. The place is an old resort that crumbled and was used as a church retreat in the 60's. Dave had been there more than once with church groups as a kid and always loved it. It is near Bozeman and Yellowstone Park and is one of the most beautiful places on earth. In 1973, some people bought the place and have spruced it up into a wonderful hot springs destination. I hesitate to use the word resort because it is Montana and full of Montana flavor.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/travel/2008246145_trmontana120.html
A quote from the piece:
Most of the area residents who show up for overnight stays have been coming since they were kids, and their grandparents probably came to Chico as well. Then there are the newer neighbors who come by to dine and hang out at the bar. People such as Tom Brokaw, Michael Keaton, Jeff Bridges. Dennis Quaid, who has a house about six miles from Chico, on occasion joins the bands on stage at the Chico bar, singing and rocking with his electric guitar.
I hate to disagree with the Seattle Times but Dennis Quaid is no newcomer. The first time we took the kids to Chico along with a trip through Yellowstone, Kaley was two and Lucas was five. Our stay included a fabulous breakfast buffet in their outstanding dining room. My Mom was with us so the five of us were seated at one big table with Kaley in a high chair. Only one other person was in the room eating breakfast with us. I immediately recognized Dennis Quaid and whispered to Dave, "You know---the guy from 'The Big Easy.'" Of course, I had to get a closer look so I approached the buffet table near him for more orange juice. Sure enough! I was rather excited but did not bother him or ask for an autograph. Celebrities like Montana because Montanans generally mind their own business. We saw him later walking around the lobby.
Anyway, ever since, I have been a Dennis Quaid fan considering he is about the only movie star I have seen in person. Earlier this week, he was on the "Ellen" show and since I had just read the article about Chico, I did not want to miss seeing Dennis on the TV. Kaley was home for an extended weekend visit and we were watching it together. Ellen had a segment where she sent Dennis into a Starbuck's with a hidden camera and microphone. She told him to repeat everything she said. He walked in yelling, "Dennis Quaid is here" and "Dennis Quaid wants a latte" and "Dennis Quaid wants water." Ellen then made him gargle the water and spit it back in the cup and he started to sing "Deo." Oh my gosh, Kaley and I were laughing out loud. He appeared to be out of his mind until he explained to the barista that he was on the "Ellen" show. Luckily for me, Ellen repeated the segment on today's show and even though Kaley is back at school, I still enjoyed the craziness just as much.
Thank you, Ellen, for providing me some moments of hilarity. And it helps for this zombie to have seen it twice! Off I go. Some of my pictures appear to be a bit crooked.
Difficult times make laughter hard to come by. And yet, it is during these times that laughter becomes important for life, enjoyment, and healing. Some days I watch "Ellen." She makes me laugh. My favorite prayer book at the moment, "Praying Through Cancer" by Sorenson and Geist has a prayer about humor. Eva Rice, one of the contributors laughed about how her eldest daughter referred to her as the family zombie as she was enduring her chemotherapy. She saw the humor in wandering from room to room without being able to focus on a conversation. I find that chemo does the same to me. I cannot always focus on my morning newspapers and reading entire books has become difficult. What I have found myself doing is wandering around the house to make sure my knick knacks and pictures are straight and precisely where I want them. Ok, it is weird but it gives me some control and happiness. I guess I am a knick knack zombie!
Here is Eva's wonderful prayer that this zombie has read a number of times---because I cannot remember it after reading it once:
Heavenly Father, You are my hiding place. You preserve me through difficult times. You surround me with songs of hope. I know that my future is in Your hands. You know what's best for me and my loved ones. I thank You for how You have brought me healing and for Your peace that passes all understanding and guards my heart and mind through Jesus Christ.
Even though there has been much weeping, I know that You have said, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Thank You for all the joy You have brought through family and friends. Thank You for all the healing that comes from visits. It pulls me through. I have felt Your presence in their loving care. I ask that You always make me hear joy and gladness even when humanly impossible. You have said, "A cheerful heart is good medicine." I want Your good medicine to flow through me and produce a cheerful heart. Thank You! Amen
This past Sunday's Seattle Times had an article in the travel section about Chico Hot Springs in Montana. It just so happens that we have been to Chico two times with the kids. The place is an old resort that crumbled and was used as a church retreat in the 60's. Dave had been there more than once with church groups as a kid and always loved it. It is near Bozeman and Yellowstone Park and is one of the most beautiful places on earth. In 1973, some people bought the place and have spruced it up into a wonderful hot springs destination. I hesitate to use the word resort because it is Montana and full of Montana flavor.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/travel/2008246145_trmontana120.html
A quote from the piece:
Most of the area residents who show up for overnight stays have been coming since they were kids, and their grandparents probably came to Chico as well. Then there are the newer neighbors who come by to dine and hang out at the bar. People such as Tom Brokaw, Michael Keaton, Jeff Bridges. Dennis Quaid, who has a house about six miles from Chico, on occasion joins the bands on stage at the Chico bar, singing and rocking with his electric guitar.
I hate to disagree with the Seattle Times but Dennis Quaid is no newcomer. The first time we took the kids to Chico along with a trip through Yellowstone, Kaley was two and Lucas was five. Our stay included a fabulous breakfast buffet in their outstanding dining room. My Mom was with us so the five of us were seated at one big table with Kaley in a high chair. Only one other person was in the room eating breakfast with us. I immediately recognized Dennis Quaid and whispered to Dave, "You know---the guy from 'The Big Easy.'" Of course, I had to get a closer look so I approached the buffet table near him for more orange juice. Sure enough! I was rather excited but did not bother him or ask for an autograph. Celebrities like Montana because Montanans generally mind their own business. We saw him later walking around the lobby.
Anyway, ever since, I have been a Dennis Quaid fan considering he is about the only movie star I have seen in person. Earlier this week, he was on the "Ellen" show and since I had just read the article about Chico, I did not want to miss seeing Dennis on the TV. Kaley was home for an extended weekend visit and we were watching it together. Ellen had a segment where she sent Dennis into a Starbuck's with a hidden camera and microphone. She told him to repeat everything she said. He walked in yelling, "Dennis Quaid is here" and "Dennis Quaid wants a latte" and "Dennis Quaid wants water." Ellen then made him gargle the water and spit it back in the cup and he started to sing "Deo." Oh my gosh, Kaley and I were laughing out loud. He appeared to be out of his mind until he explained to the barista that he was on the "Ellen" show. Luckily for me, Ellen repeated the segment on today's show and even though Kaley is back at school, I still enjoyed the craziness just as much.
Thank you, Ellen, for providing me some moments of hilarity. And it helps for this zombie to have seen it twice! Off I go. Some of my pictures appear to be a bit crooked.
// posted by Janet @ 11:54 AM
1 comments
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ode to the Colon Stent
Yesterday was my ninth chemo and I intended to take the camera with me. But, since my infusion was scheduled at 8:30, meaning we had to leave at 7:30 because of traffic, it was too early for me to remember. Why would I want to take the camera to chemo, one may ask? Because of the sculpture.
A sculpture was created and erected at the Fred Hutch Cancer Center which is immediately adjacent to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. The view from the fifth floor infusion clinic looks out over Lake Union and ecapsulates yachts and sail boats and "the sculpture." I never knew the name of the sculpture until today as I was looking online for photos. I forgot the camera to take a picture of it for my blog so I had to find it online which I did.
Evidently, the sculpture named the "Vessel," was put in place a couple of years ago but was destroyed in one of our windstorms. It was rebuilt and restored in September. I noticed it right away because I always look out the windows of SCCA toward the water while we wait.
"Dave, Dave---LOOK at that! Hmmmmm," I poked him to look up from his papers.
"Huh. Has it always been there?" he wondered.
"Nope. It is new. But doesn't it look like my colon stent? Why would they put up a sculpture that looks like a colon stent right outside a cancer center? Isn't that what it looks like?" I was rather astounded. Dave is the research guy and he has read the articles and seen the pictures online about colon stents. You see, they do not exactly know what to do with mine, now. They are relatively new and usually taken out during a colon surgery to remove a tumor. My colon tumor is gone so there are no plans for me to have colon surgery.
"My Gawd. Yes, that is exactly what is inside your abdomen," replied my dear husband.
How the colon stent works is it is inserted in a collapsed form and then it expands to create an opening. When Tum the tumor was as big as a baseball and blocking my system, I needed the stent to push him aside so my food from the previous day could get through. The biggest problem I have is that my body knows the colon stent is yet another foreign object and after I go to the bathroom, my body tries to push out the stent for a couple of hours giving me uncomfortable and downright painful cramps. I have had two babies without epidurals or even Tylenol and there are days, beleive me, when I feel I am giving birth. Sorry for the graphics but....!
Last Tuesday, when I saw my sliced up abdomen on the results of my CT scan, I was able to see my stent for the first time. Indeed, it looked just like "the sculpture." So, I asked my oncologist a question he has never had before from one of his patients. "Dr. Back, why did they put up a sculpture of a colon stent right in front of the cancer center? I do not think it is the least bit fun at all to see it every time I come here." He laughed--and laughed.
"I do believe some gastroenterologists have noticed the very same thing," he responded. Here it is folks:
Artist's conceptual photo by Ed Carpenter
"Vessel" is specifically designed to mirror the mission and goals of the Center. Carpenter writes, "This monumental but delicate sculpture employs light to represent the optimistic spirit of the institution."
http://www.fhcrc.org/about/pubs/center_news/2006/jun1/br9.html
Night View
http://blog.oregonlive.com/visualarts/2008/09/on_view_ed_carpenters_vessel.html
Here is an actual photo taken at night by the Portland newspaper, the Oregonian. The artist, Ed Carpenter is from Portland. If I had taken a photo, it would have had Lake Union in the background but, oh well--at least I learned something about it with Google.
An Actual Colon Stent
And above is a lovely picture of exactly what I saw in my lower belly on my CT scan. Perhaps the sculpture is aptly named. Certainly, it is a pass through vessel but there is nothing---nothing "delicate" about it.
Now I ask all of you readers, is the sculpture a monument to light and optimism? Or is it a four story replica of Janet's colon stent? I know my answer, for sure!
Yesterday was my ninth chemo and I intended to take the camera with me. But, since my infusion was scheduled at 8:30, meaning we had to leave at 7:30 because of traffic, it was too early for me to remember. Why would I want to take the camera to chemo, one may ask? Because of the sculpture.
A sculpture was created and erected at the Fred Hutch Cancer Center which is immediately adjacent to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. The view from the fifth floor infusion clinic looks out over Lake Union and ecapsulates yachts and sail boats and "the sculpture." I never knew the name of the sculpture until today as I was looking online for photos. I forgot the camera to take a picture of it for my blog so I had to find it online which I did.
Evidently, the sculpture named the "Vessel," was put in place a couple of years ago but was destroyed in one of our windstorms. It was rebuilt and restored in September. I noticed it right away because I always look out the windows of SCCA toward the water while we wait.
"Dave, Dave---LOOK at that! Hmmmmm," I poked him to look up from his papers.
"Huh. Has it always been there?" he wondered.
"Nope. It is new. But doesn't it look like my colon stent? Why would they put up a sculpture that looks like a colon stent right outside a cancer center? Isn't that what it looks like?" I was rather astounded. Dave is the research guy and he has read the articles and seen the pictures online about colon stents. You see, they do not exactly know what to do with mine, now. They are relatively new and usually taken out during a colon surgery to remove a tumor. My colon tumor is gone so there are no plans for me to have colon surgery.
"My Gawd. Yes, that is exactly what is inside your abdomen," replied my dear husband.
How the colon stent works is it is inserted in a collapsed form and then it expands to create an opening. When Tum the tumor was as big as a baseball and blocking my system, I needed the stent to push him aside so my food from the previous day could get through. The biggest problem I have is that my body knows the colon stent is yet another foreign object and after I go to the bathroom, my body tries to push out the stent for a couple of hours giving me uncomfortable and downright painful cramps. I have had two babies without epidurals or even Tylenol and there are days, beleive me, when I feel I am giving birth. Sorry for the graphics but....!
Last Tuesday, when I saw my sliced up abdomen on the results of my CT scan, I was able to see my stent for the first time. Indeed, it looked just like "the sculpture." So, I asked my oncologist a question he has never had before from one of his patients. "Dr. Back, why did they put up a sculpture of a colon stent right in front of the cancer center? I do not think it is the least bit fun at all to see it every time I come here." He laughed--and laughed.
"I do believe some gastroenterologists have noticed the very same thing," he responded. Here it is folks:
Artist's conceptual photo by Ed Carpenter
"Vessel" is specifically designed to mirror the mission and goals of the Center. Carpenter writes, "This monumental but delicate sculpture employs light to represent the optimistic spirit of the institution."
http://www.fhcrc.org/about/pubs/center_news/2006/jun1/br9.html
Night View
http://blog.oregonlive.com/visualarts/2008/09/on_view_ed_carpenters_vessel.html
Here is an actual photo taken at night by the Portland newspaper, the Oregonian. The artist, Ed Carpenter is from Portland. If I had taken a photo, it would have had Lake Union in the background but, oh well--at least I learned something about it with Google.
An Actual Colon Stent
And above is a lovely picture of exactly what I saw in my lower belly on my CT scan. Perhaps the sculpture is aptly named. Certainly, it is a pass through vessel but there is nothing---nothing "delicate" about it.
Now I ask all of you readers, is the sculpture a monument to light and optimism? Or is it a four story replica of Janet's colon stent? I know my answer, for sure!
// posted by Janet @ 9:19 AM
5 comments
Saturday, October 11, 2008
What is in a Name?
Our names are precious to us. Seeing my name written on anything makes me think of myself and who I am as a flesh and blood person. It just so happens my name is a little off on my credit card but I do not really care about that. It shows how much I value the small piece of plastic. They just forgot to leave a space where there should be a space. It seems the credit card companies do not like three names. For professional reasons, I have always gone by three names---my first, my maiden name and my last name. I have eliminated the middle name given to me at birth. I do not like to use an initial because my middle maiden name is my name. I probably should have hyphenated my maiden name to my last name but I wanted the names to be separate and distinct.
Since I have a short four letter maiden name that could be a first name or last name or it could be a girl's name or boy's name, we decided both of our children would have it as a middle name. Unfortunately, again since we did not hyphenate, their middle names have become initials on most everything to my chagrin. We just received new credit cards for the four of us since the card was about to expire. By the way, we only use two credit cards----one for Costco and this one. Having our kids use our same card helps us keep track of their expenses and it has worked well for us. Anyway, Kaley's card came with a couple of extra letters in her name. Where they came up with what they came up with, we will never know. People always have trouble with the name Kaley, I guess. But again, it is not worth changing. Besides, it is fun to see what kind of junk mail comes with the slightly different name and it is amazing the network out there.
Obviously, my lemons to water balloons journey has produced piles of paperwork, bills, medical records, and documents. Each time I go in for chemo, they put my name on a hospital band. When I go in for a blood draw the Thursday before my chemo, they verify my name on the blood order and then afterwards, I am to watch as they write my name on all of the little vials of blood. One of the things about what I have been going through that bothers me is seeing my name alongside or above the words "colon cancer." It constantly startles me. It is as if my name has become synonymous with those two words.
Since my name is valuable to me, I would like it to be separate and apart from my illness. My illness is not who I am. My name is who I am. However, I am happy that insurance companies and medical care providers do not like three names either.
My three names, first, maiden, and last still remain untainted by the words of my disease. And this, my dear folks, is who I really am!
Our names are precious to us. Seeing my name written on anything makes me think of myself and who I am as a flesh and blood person. It just so happens my name is a little off on my credit card but I do not really care about that. It shows how much I value the small piece of plastic. They just forgot to leave a space where there should be a space. It seems the credit card companies do not like three names. For professional reasons, I have always gone by three names---my first, my maiden name and my last name. I have eliminated the middle name given to me at birth. I do not like to use an initial because my middle maiden name is my name. I probably should have hyphenated my maiden name to my last name but I wanted the names to be separate and distinct.
Since I have a short four letter maiden name that could be a first name or last name or it could be a girl's name or boy's name, we decided both of our children would have it as a middle name. Unfortunately, again since we did not hyphenate, their middle names have become initials on most everything to my chagrin. We just received new credit cards for the four of us since the card was about to expire. By the way, we only use two credit cards----one for Costco and this one. Having our kids use our same card helps us keep track of their expenses and it has worked well for us. Anyway, Kaley's card came with a couple of extra letters in her name. Where they came up with what they came up with, we will never know. People always have trouble with the name Kaley, I guess. But again, it is not worth changing. Besides, it is fun to see what kind of junk mail comes with the slightly different name and it is amazing the network out there.
Obviously, my lemons to water balloons journey has produced piles of paperwork, bills, medical records, and documents. Each time I go in for chemo, they put my name on a hospital band. When I go in for a blood draw the Thursday before my chemo, they verify my name on the blood order and then afterwards, I am to watch as they write my name on all of the little vials of blood. One of the things about what I have been going through that bothers me is seeing my name alongside or above the words "colon cancer." It constantly startles me. It is as if my name has become synonymous with those two words.
Since my name is valuable to me, I would like it to be separate and apart from my illness. My illness is not who I am. My name is who I am. However, I am happy that insurance companies and medical care providers do not like three names either.
My three names, first, maiden, and last still remain untainted by the words of my disease. And this, my dear folks, is who I really am!
// posted by Janet @ 12:58 PM
2 comments
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Lemons to Water Balloons
On Monday, I had my second CT scan to document my progress with the chemotherapy. We found out the results late yesterday afternoon and did not get home from Seattle until 6 PM. Since I am a political junkie, the Presidential Debate took precedence over updating my blog. I do not have a lap top to type away on while I watch TV like Dave does.
This time with the scan, they made me drink a barium contrast smoothie. On Monday afternoon, my digestive system rebelled and I suffered through a tough day and night. We also had a wind storm in the night which did not help. Yesterday morning, the week ago effects of my chemo treatment kicked in and coupled with not much sleep, I was not at my best. As a result, when I went to my appointment yesterday afternoon, I wanted to hear the words "cure" or "remission."
The radiologist who did my CT report this time was different than the previous one. The words were less detailed and I did not read "dramatic reduction in size of tumors" like before. So, I must admit, I was feeling a little disappointed. But God answers prayers and my little prayer book had a prayer which says no matter what, we should be thankful to God and praise Him. We may just be thanking Him for things we do not yet know about.
The report really was good news. I am continuing to respond remarkably to the chemo. The tumor in my colon is NO LONGER THERE. They could not find it and used the word "resolved" in the report. Everything else remains clear of any sign of cancer with the exception of my liver. Of course, the multiple tumors in my liver are the biggest threat to my life and I want them out of there. The tumors have shrunk even more and some of the smaller ones have disappeared. When I expressed concern that the two large tumors had not decreased in size enough to satisfy me, my oncologist invited us to view my CT scan. I must say, it was fascinating to see my abdomen in little slices from the bottom up. He insisted that even though the lesions are still there and they are measuring them, this is not the whole story. He pointed out how the color had changed from light gray to dark dark gray which meant the bad tissue is dying. The oncologist stated that this was a good CT scan and report and I should be encouraged.
After we got home, Dave placed a call to his brother who is a retired radiologist to tell him about what we learned. Although he hasn't seen my scans, he felt extremely encouraged. He explained to me that the tumors in my liver are being destroyed but as they are obliterated, the lesion still remains as a cyst-like thing. How he described it to me is that I had two big lemons which caused me pain. Now, I do not feel them at all and can sleep on my right side and laugh at good jokes without holding my stomach. The deadly lemons are being transformed into harmless water balloons. In other words, the lesions may still exist but the tissue inside is turning into mush. Visually, I could see this change and I can feel this change and with my brother in law's explanation, I felt much more positive later last night.
What is next for my treatment? I will have four more chemos every two weeks in order to continue to kick colon cancer butt. This means I finish chemo the week of Thanksgiving and by Christmas, I should be feeling pretty good. My oncologist plans to meet with UW liver tumor experts to see if there are surgical or targeted therapy options to clean up my liver beyond what the chemo is able to do. Another option is that my disease will be treated as chronic with occasional but regular receipt of two of the newest drugs to keep everything at bay while I live a normal life.
I still have the damn colon stent which provides my with unending "joy" in dealing with my symptoms. I know now that any pain and bowel issues I have are not due to Tum the tumor---he is now dead and gone. Having it removed will not be a picnic but my oncologist will also look into how to best deal with it. This morning I feel grateful and hopeful. The care I am receiving is absolutely top notch and it is just down the freeway 25 minutes.
I continue to be astounded and happy to receive the prayers of all of you who are supporting me through my lemons to water balloons journey.
On Monday, I had my second CT scan to document my progress with the chemotherapy. We found out the results late yesterday afternoon and did not get home from Seattle until 6 PM. Since I am a political junkie, the Presidential Debate took precedence over updating my blog. I do not have a lap top to type away on while I watch TV like Dave does.
This time with the scan, they made me drink a barium contrast smoothie. On Monday afternoon, my digestive system rebelled and I suffered through a tough day and night. We also had a wind storm in the night which did not help. Yesterday morning, the week ago effects of my chemo treatment kicked in and coupled with not much sleep, I was not at my best. As a result, when I went to my appointment yesterday afternoon, I wanted to hear the words "cure" or "remission."
The radiologist who did my CT report this time was different than the previous one. The words were less detailed and I did not read "dramatic reduction in size of tumors" like before. So, I must admit, I was feeling a little disappointed. But God answers prayers and my little prayer book had a prayer which says no matter what, we should be thankful to God and praise Him. We may just be thanking Him for things we do not yet know about.
The report really was good news. I am continuing to respond remarkably to the chemo. The tumor in my colon is NO LONGER THERE. They could not find it and used the word "resolved" in the report. Everything else remains clear of any sign of cancer with the exception of my liver. Of course, the multiple tumors in my liver are the biggest threat to my life and I want them out of there. The tumors have shrunk even more and some of the smaller ones have disappeared. When I expressed concern that the two large tumors had not decreased in size enough to satisfy me, my oncologist invited us to view my CT scan. I must say, it was fascinating to see my abdomen in little slices from the bottom up. He insisted that even though the lesions are still there and they are measuring them, this is not the whole story. He pointed out how the color had changed from light gray to dark dark gray which meant the bad tissue is dying. The oncologist stated that this was a good CT scan and report and I should be encouraged.
After we got home, Dave placed a call to his brother who is a retired radiologist to tell him about what we learned. Although he hasn't seen my scans, he felt extremely encouraged. He explained to me that the tumors in my liver are being destroyed but as they are obliterated, the lesion still remains as a cyst-like thing. How he described it to me is that I had two big lemons which caused me pain. Now, I do not feel them at all and can sleep on my right side and laugh at good jokes without holding my stomach. The deadly lemons are being transformed into harmless water balloons. In other words, the lesions may still exist but the tissue inside is turning into mush. Visually, I could see this change and I can feel this change and with my brother in law's explanation, I felt much more positive later last night.
What is next for my treatment? I will have four more chemos every two weeks in order to continue to kick colon cancer butt. This means I finish chemo the week of Thanksgiving and by Christmas, I should be feeling pretty good. My oncologist plans to meet with UW liver tumor experts to see if there are surgical or targeted therapy options to clean up my liver beyond what the chemo is able to do. Another option is that my disease will be treated as chronic with occasional but regular receipt of two of the newest drugs to keep everything at bay while I live a normal life.
I still have the damn colon stent which provides my with unending "joy" in dealing with my symptoms. I know now that any pain and bowel issues I have are not due to Tum the tumor---he is now dead and gone. Having it removed will not be a picnic but my oncologist will also look into how to best deal with it. This morning I feel grateful and hopeful. The care I am receiving is absolutely top notch and it is just down the freeway 25 minutes.
I continue to be astounded and happy to receive the prayers of all of you who are supporting me through my lemons to water balloons journey.
// posted by Janet @ 8:25 AM
15 comments
Saturday, October 04, 2008
My Sanctuary
The eagles had not been around lately. I suppose they headed for better fishing spots but yesterday, I saw one of my protectors. He landed magestically on top of one of the big doug firs on the bluffs. I watched him for a while with the binoculars. Also, I received notice from my Orca Sighting Network that the J, K, and L pods had swung down here from the San Juans. They were seen near Kingston across from Edmonds just a couple of days ago. Though, we can see Kingston from our house, it would have been too far out for me to have noticed them but it is comforting to know they are there. My eyes are now more focused on the water in case I spot our local orcas closer to me. This morning, a tug boat putted by pulling a seal cruise of lashed together logs. With my binoculars, I enjoyed seeing the harbor seals having a relaxing time of it.
My favorite book has been "Praying Through Cancer" by Susan Sorensen and Laura Geist. Both women are cancer survivors and they put together stories of other women with cancer along with Bible verses and prayers. The stories and the prayers speak directly to me and I am so grateful to my dear friend, Cathy, who gave me this devotional book. My favorite was submitted by Diane Lankford on pages 82 and 83. She was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer three years after they bought a new house. The new house had a screened in porch which was her only request in a new house. In her words, "The porch became my recovery room as well as my sanctuary where I could sit, worship, reflect and meditate on God's wonderful creation." Seven years later, she still survives and enjoys her porch. Needless to say, I feel the exact same way about our house which we first looked at 6 years ago this month. My home, my bedroom, my bathroom, my decks and my back yard are my sanctuary. I am surrounded by nature, trees, the beach, and even a touch of wilderness in the form of Big Gulch behind our back fence.
Taken this breezy morning in my back yard. Apolo doesn't like the wind.
Here is Diane's prayer which has become mine:
Heavenly Father, thank You so much for creating this wonderful world for me to live in. Thank you for sending the birds to sing, the trees that grow tall and point to the heavens, the beautiful blue skies, and even the gray and rainy days. These are gifts from You. All I have to do is receive and enjoy them.
Open my eyes, Lord, in days when I am too weak to care. Help me see Your wondrous works in all the nature around me. Help me also release my worries to You because You ask me, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I know from the Bible that all of my days were numbered even before I was born. It is up to me to make the most of every day You give.
Thank you for the "sanctuaries" where I am able to enjoy the gifts that are given by You, my Creator. Amen.
My Sanctuary.
Update: I forgot to add that I saw a completely flattened dead garter snake in the road on my walk the day before yesterday not far from where Apolo did his thing on a snake. Wonder if it was the same one?! Well, I guess his number was up. He may have survived Apolo but not the Fed Ex!
The eagles had not been around lately. I suppose they headed for better fishing spots but yesterday, I saw one of my protectors. He landed magestically on top of one of the big doug firs on the bluffs. I watched him for a while with the binoculars. Also, I received notice from my Orca Sighting Network that the J, K, and L pods had swung down here from the San Juans. They were seen near Kingston across from Edmonds just a couple of days ago. Though, we can see Kingston from our house, it would have been too far out for me to have noticed them but it is comforting to know they are there. My eyes are now more focused on the water in case I spot our local orcas closer to me. This morning, a tug boat putted by pulling a seal cruise of lashed together logs. With my binoculars, I enjoyed seeing the harbor seals having a relaxing time of it.
My favorite book has been "Praying Through Cancer" by Susan Sorensen and Laura Geist. Both women are cancer survivors and they put together stories of other women with cancer along with Bible verses and prayers. The stories and the prayers speak directly to me and I am so grateful to my dear friend, Cathy, who gave me this devotional book. My favorite was submitted by Diane Lankford on pages 82 and 83. She was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer three years after they bought a new house. The new house had a screened in porch which was her only request in a new house. In her words, "The porch became my recovery room as well as my sanctuary where I could sit, worship, reflect and meditate on God's wonderful creation." Seven years later, she still survives and enjoys her porch. Needless to say, I feel the exact same way about our house which we first looked at 6 years ago this month. My home, my bedroom, my bathroom, my decks and my back yard are my sanctuary. I am surrounded by nature, trees, the beach, and even a touch of wilderness in the form of Big Gulch behind our back fence.
Taken this breezy morning in my back yard. Apolo doesn't like the wind.
Here is Diane's prayer which has become mine:
Heavenly Father, thank You so much for creating this wonderful world for me to live in. Thank you for sending the birds to sing, the trees that grow tall and point to the heavens, the beautiful blue skies, and even the gray and rainy days. These are gifts from You. All I have to do is receive and enjoy them.
Open my eyes, Lord, in days when I am too weak to care. Help me see Your wondrous works in all the nature around me. Help me also release my worries to You because You ask me, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I know from the Bible that all of my days were numbered even before I was born. It is up to me to make the most of every day You give.
Thank you for the "sanctuaries" where I am able to enjoy the gifts that are given by You, my Creator. Amen.
My Sanctuary.
Update: I forgot to add that I saw a completely flattened dead garter snake in the road on my walk the day before yesterday not far from where Apolo did his thing on a snake. Wonder if it was the same one?! Well, I guess his number was up. He may have survived Apolo but not the Fed Ex!
// posted by Janet @ 11:33 AM
1 comments
Thursday, October 02, 2008
My Infusion Pump
I have described before how after I receive my five hours of chemo which consists of a number of toxic bags of chemicals being dripped into my body, I go home with a small pump in a fanny pack to deliver one last bag over two days. It is a pain to carry the thing around. It is kind of heavy and it is attached to my shoulder port with long thin clear plastic tubing. One has to be extraordinarily careful.
1. You cannot touch hot things with the tubing or it will melt and cause a disaster.
2. The dog's claws cannot accidentally hook it when he is trying to sit up for his doggie biscuit or it will cause a disaster.
3. You cannot shut the tubing in a drawer when you are putting make-up on or brushing your teeth.
4. You cannot drop the pump risking breakage or heaven forbid, yanking the line out of my skin.
5. You have to avoid snagging the line on just about everything from chairs to recliner couches.
6. You cannot shut the tubing in a car door.
Now I am not complaining (well, yes I am) because back in the day, I would probably be in the hospital for three days for every chemo. Believe me, I would rather be attached to my black fanny pack.
I look forward every two weeks to my time to be unhooked and set free. We have an arrangement where we go to Everett's Pacific Providence Hospital for the detachment. This is closer to our house than having to drive all the way into Seattle. It only takes about 5 minutes to unhook me but it is a serious unhooking because they detach the tubing from my port. This involves pulling out of my skin a fairly significant sharp thingy. I am squeamish so I always turn my head the other way. It doesn't hurt when they plug me in or unplug me but I cannot look.
The minute my pump says "infusion complete," I want it gone! Usually, the nurse is waiting for us at the hospital and within 10 minutes, I have my freedom. Evidently, the home health pumps are quite a specialty and only certain people can unhook me. In other words, if my nurse does not show up or if they are late, there is not one other person in all of Everett's Providence Hospital who is able to do the job. After eight times now and besides yesterday, we only had one time when the nurse failed to show up. The previous time we had to wait about an hour; yesterday after calling the 1-800 number, our wait was about 45 minutes.
Yes. Yesterday, I had to wait for my freedom and I became quite impatient. But wait---there's more. The floor where we go is not very busy. It seems most of the rooms are empty and it is quiet. Yesterday, it seemed a little too quiet. I noticed this secret service looking guy in a black suit with a phone in his ear. I also saw a guard. Then as my pump alarm was beeping away because my INFUSION WAS COMPLETE, I overheard the word funeral home spoken by someone in the general direction of the secret service guy.
"Dave, somebody died. I think that guy is from a funeral home. I mean, I hope they are not waiting for me because I am not exactly ready for their services." My eyes were twice their normal size. I am squeamish.
"Yep--probably a mortician!"
"Ok, they make me wait to get unhooked and now somebody dies right here where we are waiting?! Now, I am traumatized," I replied with a wavering voice. At that point another secret service guy came through the double doors with a gurney. "Oh my gosh! They are going to take a body out right in front of me, aren't they?"
A few minutes later, the secret service guys and the guard with the gurney were heading our way. I covered my eyes as they passed a foot in front of us. "Geez, Janet, it was just a giant opaque zip lock bag. You couldn't see anything," teased Dave.
"Couldn't see anything? Well, I don't want to see a giant zip loc bag being wheeled out by morticians. I simply want my pump unhooked so we can leave." We sat there for a few more minutes and I listened to the nurses discuss how to list what had just happened on the computer. One of them said you have to use the words "patient expired" plus the exact time or the patient will continue to live forever in the computer.
Finally, we saw our nurse come through the double doors. Whoa! I hoped she would not put me in the room they had just cleaned out.
She didn't! And within five minutes, I was free. I walked out of that hospital faster than I ever had and realized I have not really had a chance to run since my diagnosis.
I have described before how after I receive my five hours of chemo which consists of a number of toxic bags of chemicals being dripped into my body, I go home with a small pump in a fanny pack to deliver one last bag over two days. It is a pain to carry the thing around. It is kind of heavy and it is attached to my shoulder port with long thin clear plastic tubing. One has to be extraordinarily careful.
1. You cannot touch hot things with the tubing or it will melt and cause a disaster.
2. The dog's claws cannot accidentally hook it when he is trying to sit up for his doggie biscuit or it will cause a disaster.
3. You cannot shut the tubing in a drawer when you are putting make-up on or brushing your teeth.
4. You cannot drop the pump risking breakage or heaven forbid, yanking the line out of my skin.
5. You have to avoid snagging the line on just about everything from chairs to recliner couches.
6. You cannot shut the tubing in a car door.
Now I am not complaining (well, yes I am) because back in the day, I would probably be in the hospital for three days for every chemo. Believe me, I would rather be attached to my black fanny pack.
I look forward every two weeks to my time to be unhooked and set free. We have an arrangement where we go to Everett's Pacific Providence Hospital for the detachment. This is closer to our house than having to drive all the way into Seattle. It only takes about 5 minutes to unhook me but it is a serious unhooking because they detach the tubing from my port. This involves pulling out of my skin a fairly significant sharp thingy. I am squeamish so I always turn my head the other way. It doesn't hurt when they plug me in or unplug me but I cannot look.
The minute my pump says "infusion complete," I want it gone! Usually, the nurse is waiting for us at the hospital and within 10 minutes, I have my freedom. Evidently, the home health pumps are quite a specialty and only certain people can unhook me. In other words, if my nurse does not show up or if they are late, there is not one other person in all of Everett's Providence Hospital who is able to do the job. After eight times now and besides yesterday, we only had one time when the nurse failed to show up. The previous time we had to wait about an hour; yesterday after calling the 1-800 number, our wait was about 45 minutes.
Yes. Yesterday, I had to wait for my freedom and I became quite impatient. But wait---there's more. The floor where we go is not very busy. It seems most of the rooms are empty and it is quiet. Yesterday, it seemed a little too quiet. I noticed this secret service looking guy in a black suit with a phone in his ear. I also saw a guard. Then as my pump alarm was beeping away because my INFUSION WAS COMPLETE, I overheard the word funeral home spoken by someone in the general direction of the secret service guy.
"Dave, somebody died. I think that guy is from a funeral home. I mean, I hope they are not waiting for me because I am not exactly ready for their services." My eyes were twice their normal size. I am squeamish.
"Yep--probably a mortician!"
"Ok, they make me wait to get unhooked and now somebody dies right here where we are waiting?! Now, I am traumatized," I replied with a wavering voice. At that point another secret service guy came through the double doors with a gurney. "Oh my gosh! They are going to take a body out right in front of me, aren't they?"
A few minutes later, the secret service guys and the guard with the gurney were heading our way. I covered my eyes as they passed a foot in front of us. "Geez, Janet, it was just a giant opaque zip lock bag. You couldn't see anything," teased Dave.
"Couldn't see anything? Well, I don't want to see a giant zip loc bag being wheeled out by morticians. I simply want my pump unhooked so we can leave." We sat there for a few more minutes and I listened to the nurses discuss how to list what had just happened on the computer. One of them said you have to use the words "patient expired" plus the exact time or the patient will continue to live forever in the computer.
Finally, we saw our nurse come through the double doors. Whoa! I hoped she would not put me in the room they had just cleaned out.
She didn't! And within five minutes, I was free. I walked out of that hospital faster than I ever had and realized I have not really had a chance to run since my diagnosis.
// posted by Janet @ 12:26 PM
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