Saturday, August 30, 2008
Cancer Is Not For Wimps
I read this somewhere and it is true. Many of my friends and neighbors ask me how I am doing. Usually, I answer that I am doing ok. I do not want to say "fine" because a good share of the time I feel like I have a flu bug or I feel like I am pregnant. Those of you who have been pregnant understand how smells can be overpowering and how certain foods are no longer appealing. You feel tired or cranky, your feet or your back hurts, you may be anemic or nauseous and you want the whole thing to be over with. Definitely, some days are better than others. Hardly ever do I feel "normal."
The day before yesterday was a good day. First of all, I had my blood drawn at the hospital with Dave, but then I went to the Post Office and grocery store by myself because he had some work issues to take care of for most of the day. It was the first time I had driven to do errands since before my diagnosis. At home, I cleaned up dog poop and watered all of my flowers. Of course, I topped it off with my 1.7m walk without Dave. Apolo seemed to know he needed to behave with me alone. It was joyous to do my ordinary routine activities. Absolutely wonderful.
I do have a problem with clothes. They are all baggy on me and it is driving Dave nuts so he has been bringing home pants from Costco for me to try on. My weight has remained steady lately but I lost 14 or 15 pounds at the beginning. I am 5'8" and my steady weight before all of this was 133-137. Now I weigh 120 and in my opinion this is way too skinny. I cannot believe that during high school and college, I wanted desperately to weigh about 120 pounds. My normal pant size is a 10 but now I am down to a 6. What baffles me is all of the women who would like to wear a size 2 or zero! What baffles me more are those who actually fit into size 4 and under. How is it even possible??
American weight loss propaganda is crazy. The ads on TV are driving me insane! Those obese people whose weight is affecting their health should take some steps to be healthier. But the rest of you who are worried about 5, 10 or 20 pounds should focus on a healthy diet and exercise and forget about losing anything. You never know, you may need the extra pounds some day. Seriously, I wish I had had an extra 15!
I do not like the bony feeling and I do not understand how young starlets think boniness is at all attractive. I am curious. If you took an average sized female skeleton and put clothes on it, I wonder what size they would be??!!
I read this somewhere and it is true. Many of my friends and neighbors ask me how I am doing. Usually, I answer that I am doing ok. I do not want to say "fine" because a good share of the time I feel like I have a flu bug or I feel like I am pregnant. Those of you who have been pregnant understand how smells can be overpowering and how certain foods are no longer appealing. You feel tired or cranky, your feet or your back hurts, you may be anemic or nauseous and you want the whole thing to be over with. Definitely, some days are better than others. Hardly ever do I feel "normal."
The day before yesterday was a good day. First of all, I had my blood drawn at the hospital with Dave, but then I went to the Post Office and grocery store by myself because he had some work issues to take care of for most of the day. It was the first time I had driven to do errands since before my diagnosis. At home, I cleaned up dog poop and watered all of my flowers. Of course, I topped it off with my 1.7m walk without Dave. Apolo seemed to know he needed to behave with me alone. It was joyous to do my ordinary routine activities. Absolutely wonderful.
I do have a problem with clothes. They are all baggy on me and it is driving Dave nuts so he has been bringing home pants from Costco for me to try on. My weight has remained steady lately but I lost 14 or 15 pounds at the beginning. I am 5'8" and my steady weight before all of this was 133-137. Now I weigh 120 and in my opinion this is way too skinny. I cannot believe that during high school and college, I wanted desperately to weigh about 120 pounds. My normal pant size is a 10 but now I am down to a 6. What baffles me is all of the women who would like to wear a size 2 or zero! What baffles me more are those who actually fit into size 4 and under. How is it even possible??
American weight loss propaganda is crazy. The ads on TV are driving me insane! Those obese people whose weight is affecting their health should take some steps to be healthier. But the rest of you who are worried about 5, 10 or 20 pounds should focus on a healthy diet and exercise and forget about losing anything. You never know, you may need the extra pounds some day. Seriously, I wish I had had an extra 15!
I do not like the bony feeling and I do not understand how young starlets think boniness is at all attractive. I am curious. If you took an average sized female skeleton and put clothes on it, I wonder what size they would be??!!
// posted by Janet @ 12:38 PM
1 comments
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Loose Ends
1. As I mentioned before, Indian Paintbrush is my favorite flower. The colors are most spectacular at Branham Lakes near Sheridan, Montana than anywhere else. And believe me, I have seen Indian Paintbrush in Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, and Colorado. My nephew, Rick, sent me this photo taken at Branham Lakes and I thank him!
2. Here is a photo of Branham Lakes from last weekend evidently after the snow melted with Rick and his two kids, Isabel, 5, and Samuel, 2. Folks, this is about 9000ft above sea level. Montana people are tough.
3. Speaking of tough, I have been continuing my walks and have made my 1.7m most days. The day before yesterday, we saw a pure white dove along our street. It seemed unafraid and Apolo wanted it badly. Thank goodness Dave had a good hold on him or the bird would have been one Golden Retriever's lunch. But, I also saw the bird as another sign of hope. I really did not feel like going on a walk that day and tried it anyway and made it the entire route. Thank you white dove. By the way, no such bird exists in my Pacific NW bird book.
4. Speaking of birds, our swallows are adorable. They are all grown up. Unfortunately, we found one of the babies dead on our porch leaving three. We think he just could not fly and fell out of the nest. The remaining swallows have left----sort of. Every evening at dusk, they come to our house and fly and play and catch bugs. They settle down for the evening on and near the nest because they no longer all fit in it. By morning, they are gone again. My bird book says that by mid September, they will fly south. At that point, we can clean up our porch. When I go to bed at night, now that my own children have left my nest, I kiss my puppy, Apolo good night and I turn on the porch light and say good night to my swallows.
1. As I mentioned before, Indian Paintbrush is my favorite flower. The colors are most spectacular at Branham Lakes near Sheridan, Montana than anywhere else. And believe me, I have seen Indian Paintbrush in Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, and Colorado. My nephew, Rick, sent me this photo taken at Branham Lakes and I thank him!
2. Here is a photo of Branham Lakes from last weekend evidently after the snow melted with Rick and his two kids, Isabel, 5, and Samuel, 2. Folks, this is about 9000ft above sea level. Montana people are tough.
3. Speaking of tough, I have been continuing my walks and have made my 1.7m most days. The day before yesterday, we saw a pure white dove along our street. It seemed unafraid and Apolo wanted it badly. Thank goodness Dave had a good hold on him or the bird would have been one Golden Retriever's lunch. But, I also saw the bird as another sign of hope. I really did not feel like going on a walk that day and tried it anyway and made it the entire route. Thank you white dove. By the way, no such bird exists in my Pacific NW bird book.
4. Speaking of birds, our swallows are adorable. They are all grown up. Unfortunately, we found one of the babies dead on our porch leaving three. We think he just could not fly and fell out of the nest. The remaining swallows have left----sort of. Every evening at dusk, they come to our house and fly and play and catch bugs. They settle down for the evening on and near the nest because they no longer all fit in it. By morning, they are gone again. My bird book says that by mid September, they will fly south. At that point, we can clean up our porch. When I go to bed at night, now that my own children have left my nest, I kiss my puppy, Apolo good night and I turn on the porch light and say good night to my swallows.
// posted by Janet @ 9:30 AM
2 comments
Monday, August 25, 2008
My Angel Sings!
All of you who read this blog know my daughter sings. Some of you have heard her and others have not. Many of you have expressed an interest in hearing her. I made it to church yesterday because our music director, Andrea, asked Kaley to sing again while the choir is on hiatus. I am so grateful to Andrea because I do not get to hear Kaley sing as much as I would like. It got me out of bed and helped me to focus on pleasantries. Unfortunately, my flip video is filled with mostly my dog doing cute things so when we got to church, we only had a minute and a half of recording time.
The first video is Kaley singing in Italy in July. Kaley said she was not pleased with this performance but she is her toughest critic. Despite her opinion, it is beautiful. I wish the quality of these videos was better but you get an idea of her sultriness and stage presence as well as her voice.
The second video is Kaley in church yesterday. You cannot see her because she is up by the piano on the right hand side of the pews. We sit in the back in case I have to make a quick exit. But again, you can get some idea of what she sounds like!
All of you who read this blog know my daughter sings. Some of you have heard her and others have not. Many of you have expressed an interest in hearing her. I made it to church yesterday because our music director, Andrea, asked Kaley to sing again while the choir is on hiatus. I am so grateful to Andrea because I do not get to hear Kaley sing as much as I would like. It got me out of bed and helped me to focus on pleasantries. Unfortunately, my flip video is filled with mostly my dog doing cute things so when we got to church, we only had a minute and a half of recording time.
The first video is Kaley singing in Italy in July. Kaley said she was not pleased with this performance but she is her toughest critic. Despite her opinion, it is beautiful. I wish the quality of these videos was better but you get an idea of her sultriness and stage presence as well as her voice.
The second video is Kaley in church yesterday. You cannot see her because she is up by the piano on the right hand side of the pews. We sit in the back in case I have to make a quick exit. But again, you can get some idea of what she sounds like!
// posted by Janet @ 11:37 AM
8 comments
Saturday, August 23, 2008
A Virgin Mai Tai Evening
My family in Montana is celebrating Labor Day a week early with their annual camping trip at Branham Lakes near Sheridan, Montana. My Mom, of course, will set up her tent and refuse to sleep in my brother's new little trailer. To her, camping means a tent and heaven forbid if there are more comfortable options. They are up there at about 7000 feet and I cannot breathe just thinking about it. I do know, however, that the Indian Paintbrush there are startling. They come in hot pink to pinky red to dark red and not the yellowish or orangie color I don't really like. My bridesmaid dresses were picked based on the various colors of Indian Paintbrush. I do believe there is no cell phone connection because I have not received my text pictures this weekend.
I have made a decision. I do not want to have cancer anymore. I'm done with it. I have to get through these chemos to make sure it is destroyed. When I do not feel well, it is the chemo at this point. Unfortunately, feeling sick is keeping me from being more social. I did not feel great yesterday, but I was up for sitting on my deck with a virgin Mai Tai to watch the sunset. I passed up a wine tasting. The smell of wine bothers me, I cannot eat cheese, and I can't stand up for long periods of time to socialize. Dave went for a while to pass along my greetings after enjoying the sunset with me.
My family in Montana may be having fun at 7000 feet but I am having fun at sea level. Here are some pics from last night:
Me and my shadow.
Magali and Lucas shared a non-Virgin Mai Tai.
My family in Montana is celebrating Labor Day a week early with their annual camping trip at Branham Lakes near Sheridan, Montana. My Mom, of course, will set up her tent and refuse to sleep in my brother's new little trailer. To her, camping means a tent and heaven forbid if there are more comfortable options. They are up there at about 7000 feet and I cannot breathe just thinking about it. I do know, however, that the Indian Paintbrush there are startling. They come in hot pink to pinky red to dark red and not the yellowish or orangie color I don't really like. My bridesmaid dresses were picked based on the various colors of Indian Paintbrush. I do believe there is no cell phone connection because I have not received my text pictures this weekend.
I have made a decision. I do not want to have cancer anymore. I'm done with it. I have to get through these chemos to make sure it is destroyed. When I do not feel well, it is the chemo at this point. Unfortunately, feeling sick is keeping me from being more social. I did not feel great yesterday, but I was up for sitting on my deck with a virgin Mai Tai to watch the sunset. I passed up a wine tasting. The smell of wine bothers me, I cannot eat cheese, and I can't stand up for long periods of time to socialize. Dave went for a while to pass along my greetings after enjoying the sunset with me.
My family in Montana may be having fun at 7000 feet but I am having fun at sea level. Here are some pics from last night:
Me and my shadow.
Magali and Lucas shared a non-Virgin Mai Tai.
// posted by Janet @ 11:19 AM
5 comments
Friday, August 22, 2008
Gifts
I have written about gifts before. Actually, I am talking about literal gifts. People have been so generous. But you know what? Gifts really do brighten my day and they help us out. I thought after my initial diagnosis, the cards and well wishes would die down but they have not. To feel continually uplifted is an absolute joy!
For example, last Friday was Dave's birthday. His original plan was to be up in Alaska with Lucas fishing for salmon and halibut to restock our freezer. Needless to say, the trip was canceled when all of this cancer thing came about. Out of the blue, one of our neighbors dropped by the day before Dave's birthday and gave us some halibut and salmon that he had caught. Dave wanted fresh salmon to eat on his day and there it was! Pennies from heaven! Also, our Nashville buddy left us some fish as well so we are delighted.
Other neighbors have dropped by casseroles which are so appreciated. It was fun to try to explain the meaning of the word "casserole" to Magali. To her, it is merely the name of a cooking pot. Besides Dave and me, we have three young adults in the house temporarily and it has been exhausting to constantly come up with meals when I do not even like to think about food, let alone cook it or clean up after them. Another neighbor brought some peaches and home made chocolate sauce all decorated in a little basket. YUM! I cannot eat ice cream but I put the chocolate sauce on bananas and enjoyed it immensely. Also, we received this box of white nectarines which were lucious from UW people. Magali, Kaley and I sort of took care of those in good haste.
The family of "Bobby," Lucas' childhood buddy and Iraq War Veteran and hero who I have written about before, dropped by and gave me a fragrant lei from Hawaii, a hummingbird calendar, and a Pacific Northwest Bird book. I did not have a bird book! How could I not have had a bird book? It has already been a great resource. We identified an osprey hanging around during these times we have not seen our eagles as much.
My Montana friends, particularly Cathy, also continue to send me things. Cathy framed two gorgeous photos of Indian Paintbrush which is my favorite flower. I have them in a spot where I look at them from my perch. Indian Paintbrush was on the cover of our wedding invitation 35 years ago. My brother's ongoing gift to me is text picture messages and he has included Indian Paintbrush, too. He works for the Forest Service in some of the most beautiful parts of Montana and he sends me pretty phone pictures while on the job. Yesterday, he sent me one of Mama moose and baby moose in the wild. I couldn't see the moose but I know they were there! This is a wonderful gift because we have not been able to travel to the state of my birth and I am more than a little homesick for Montana.
Finally, yesterday, Dave's brother and his wife from Spokane stopped by to see us. While they were here, the hunky Fed EX guy (well, I am not dead, yet!!) delivered a fantastic bouquet of Hawaiian exotic flowers for me to smell and look at while I drink my virgin Mai Tais. The flowers were from a colleague and friend of Dave's in Hawaii.
And when the mail came, I had yet another gift. One of my longtime friends, Pat, who works with Dave (we had Kaley and she had her son David at the same time 20 years ago) sent me a lavendar filled eye cover for relaxation plus a card that sent me into sobs--wonderful words. I do not have one and it was used last night while I was relaxing in bed and Dave was watching the Olympics. Pat does not even know that my English Grandmother loved lavendar so the smell gives me great comfort. Speaking of lavendar, another of Dave's friends and colleagues sent me a basket of bath items like body wash and lotion which are also lavendar. I love it all and it will be used.
I cannot possibly list everything all of you generous people send me, nor am I able to send out thank you notes. But be assured, I am a passionate person and I appreciate each and every gift and the supportive thoughts and prayers behind each one.
I have written about gifts before. Actually, I am talking about literal gifts. People have been so generous. But you know what? Gifts really do brighten my day and they help us out. I thought after my initial diagnosis, the cards and well wishes would die down but they have not. To feel continually uplifted is an absolute joy!
For example, last Friday was Dave's birthday. His original plan was to be up in Alaska with Lucas fishing for salmon and halibut to restock our freezer. Needless to say, the trip was canceled when all of this cancer thing came about. Out of the blue, one of our neighbors dropped by the day before Dave's birthday and gave us some halibut and salmon that he had caught. Dave wanted fresh salmon to eat on his day and there it was! Pennies from heaven! Also, our Nashville buddy left us some fish as well so we are delighted.
Other neighbors have dropped by casseroles which are so appreciated. It was fun to try to explain the meaning of the word "casserole" to Magali. To her, it is merely the name of a cooking pot. Besides Dave and me, we have three young adults in the house temporarily and it has been exhausting to constantly come up with meals when I do not even like to think about food, let alone cook it or clean up after them. Another neighbor brought some peaches and home made chocolate sauce all decorated in a little basket. YUM! I cannot eat ice cream but I put the chocolate sauce on bananas and enjoyed it immensely. Also, we received this box of white nectarines which were lucious from UW people. Magali, Kaley and I sort of took care of those in good haste.
The family of "Bobby," Lucas' childhood buddy and Iraq War Veteran and hero who I have written about before, dropped by and gave me a fragrant lei from Hawaii, a hummingbird calendar, and a Pacific Northwest Bird book. I did not have a bird book! How could I not have had a bird book? It has already been a great resource. We identified an osprey hanging around during these times we have not seen our eagles as much.
My Montana friends, particularly Cathy, also continue to send me things. Cathy framed two gorgeous photos of Indian Paintbrush which is my favorite flower. I have them in a spot where I look at them from my perch. Indian Paintbrush was on the cover of our wedding invitation 35 years ago. My brother's ongoing gift to me is text picture messages and he has included Indian Paintbrush, too. He works for the Forest Service in some of the most beautiful parts of Montana and he sends me pretty phone pictures while on the job. Yesterday, he sent me one of Mama moose and baby moose in the wild. I couldn't see the moose but I know they were there! This is a wonderful gift because we have not been able to travel to the state of my birth and I am more than a little homesick for Montana.
Finally, yesterday, Dave's brother and his wife from Spokane stopped by to see us. While they were here, the hunky Fed EX guy (well, I am not dead, yet!!) delivered a fantastic bouquet of Hawaiian exotic flowers for me to smell and look at while I drink my virgin Mai Tais. The flowers were from a colleague and friend of Dave's in Hawaii.
And when the mail came, I had yet another gift. One of my longtime friends, Pat, who works with Dave (we had Kaley and she had her son David at the same time 20 years ago) sent me a lavendar filled eye cover for relaxation plus a card that sent me into sobs--wonderful words. I do not have one and it was used last night while I was relaxing in bed and Dave was watching the Olympics. Pat does not even know that my English Grandmother loved lavendar so the smell gives me great comfort. Speaking of lavendar, another of Dave's friends and colleagues sent me a basket of bath items like body wash and lotion which are also lavendar. I love it all and it will be used.
I cannot possibly list everything all of you generous people send me, nor am I able to send out thank you notes. But be assured, I am a passionate person and I appreciate each and every gift and the supportive thoughts and prayers behind each one.
// posted by Janet @ 10:19 AM
1 comments
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Expletives
Ok, I am human and so is my family. It is true this cancer thing has opened my eyes to my faith. Connections are being made. Bible verses are making sense. Prayers have become more meaningful. I was grateful for the Gospel last Sunday. This determined Mom starts bugging Jesus to heal her daughter. And guess what? Jesus became quite perturbed with her and wanted her to quit harassing them. Yes, God's Son had this very human side. I liked my priest's sermon about it. We want to believe in Christ who has experienced normal human emotions. Jesus dismisses her and then accepts her and of course, her daughter is healed.
So back to my point. Our new bathroom has no blinds and it looks out onto Puget Sound but also our back yard. With everything that has been going on, blinds are not top priority. Besides, nobody can see into the bathroom unless they are standing out in the back yard. OR, perhaps the lawn people could see very clearly if they were to come when someone was in the shower. LIKE THIS MORNING. Supposedly, they are scheduled to come on Thursdays. Isn't today Tuesday? Yes, I had chemo yesterday and I am hooked up to my friendly companion, the Pump, with tubes into my shoulder where the port is under my skin to allow the toxic drugs to continue their bad ass assault on Tum and his buddies.
It takes me a while to get ready for a shower when hooked up to my pump. My hands have neuropathy the day after chemo, though they have given me some additives to my chemo that have helped tremendously. Anyway, with difficulty, I cut tape and attach it to a small plastic bag to cover my port entrance on my shoulder. Then I put the pump into another plastic bag. With all of my clothes ready in a certain spot, I get into my lovely, comfortable shower. Luckily, I was mostly finished when I heard the lawn mower.
But damn, this poor cancer patient all hooked up to tubes and all slippery and wet with gimpy hands had to cut short my shower, dive to my knees and crawl out of the shower. Along the hard tile floor, I dragged myself and my towel and clothing into the tiny toilet closet to dry off, peel off plastic, and get dressed. I realized the bathroom window was open and I suppose the sound of the lawn mower drowned out the bad words coming freely from my mouth. Then I remembered that there is plenty of dog poop out there because, they are supposed to come on THURSDAY. I am feeling happy at this moment that they had to mow over and step in dog poop for interrupting my shower. Like I said, I am human.
My husband is human, too. Let's just say colon cancer chemo does not send women into chemically induced menopause like breast cancer chemo. To be not so subtle about this matter, I still get PMS. Understandably, men do not respond well to this syndrome. Life is still life, even with cancer and the other night, I wasn't so nice to my husband and it made him not so happy with me for about 15 minutes. The next morning the explanation arrived for my nastiness and his. I don't know--it just made me laugh.
But last night! Oh yes, last night the expletives and deleteds swirled wildly in our household. My family is in constant car chaos. I believe I am ready to write a four part series about why we ended up in the Police Beat section of our local paper, the Mukilteo Beacon, last January. Our old 1986 Chevy suburban we inherited when Dave's Dad died has found a new home as of a week ago with some wealthy earth friendly people in the San Juan Islands. It will be used sparingly to haul guests and occasionally a boat. With the money, we bought Lucas a used Subaru Outback because our 1987 Jeep that he has been driving is.....is not in good shape. In fact, it barely makes it up the hill out of our neighborhood these days. Lucas and Magali are moving into an apartment near the UW and over the last week, our household has been finding furniture and household items on Craig's list and picking them up with the various cars we own. Often, with used cars, you end up with one set of keys.
Yes, one set of keys. Lucas had a deadline of 6 PM to pick up some chairs in Lake Stevens. He was planning to use our Honda Pilot. At this point, both Dave and Lucas are regretting getting rid of the Chevy Suburban so soon when they knew all of this hauling business was going to be happening. The mattress store called to say the mattress set was ready to be picked up and the landlord wanted to meet with the kids to explain outlets and so forth at about 8 PM. The plan was to send Lucas off and then Dave would meet him in Seattle at the apartment with the mattress strapped to the top of the Subaru. Dave backed the Subaru out of the driveway and partly into the street, got out to check something and.....he shut the door. The car was locked and running.
I had just had chemo and was feeling like a truck had run over me when all of this was occurring. Everyone came into the house in a mad frenzy. Lucas was mad at Dave. Dave was expleting all over the place. "Ok, I do not need this stress! Call a lock and key place. Geez!" I then covered my ears and and sang "La La La" until they all left the room. Lucas left to get the chairs. Dave ran around like a chicken with his head cut off while the Subaru continued to emit CO2 out in our driveway. He called about five places with some saying the soonest they could arrive would be one hour. Finally, Dave contacted Cascade Lock and Key and they arrived in five minutes and took five minutes to solve the problem. And off Dave went.
When we went to bed last night, Dave was helping me tape my tubing to keep me from rolling on it while I sleep. I started laughing until my stomach hurt. "What's so funny?"
"YOU! When you locked the keys in the car! It was really quite hysterical. You have to realize it was very funny."
Whew! Can't this cancer patient have some peace and quiet? Of course not. Not all of time....because my family is human.
Ok, I am human and so is my family. It is true this cancer thing has opened my eyes to my faith. Connections are being made. Bible verses are making sense. Prayers have become more meaningful. I was grateful for the Gospel last Sunday. This determined Mom starts bugging Jesus to heal her daughter. And guess what? Jesus became quite perturbed with her and wanted her to quit harassing them. Yes, God's Son had this very human side. I liked my priest's sermon about it. We want to believe in Christ who has experienced normal human emotions. Jesus dismisses her and then accepts her and of course, her daughter is healed.
So back to my point. Our new bathroom has no blinds and it looks out onto Puget Sound but also our back yard. With everything that has been going on, blinds are not top priority. Besides, nobody can see into the bathroom unless they are standing out in the back yard. OR, perhaps the lawn people could see very clearly if they were to come when someone was in the shower. LIKE THIS MORNING. Supposedly, they are scheduled to come on Thursdays. Isn't today Tuesday? Yes, I had chemo yesterday and I am hooked up to my friendly companion, the Pump, with tubes into my shoulder where the port is under my skin to allow the toxic drugs to continue their bad ass assault on Tum and his buddies.
It takes me a while to get ready for a shower when hooked up to my pump. My hands have neuropathy the day after chemo, though they have given me some additives to my chemo that have helped tremendously. Anyway, with difficulty, I cut tape and attach it to a small plastic bag to cover my port entrance on my shoulder. Then I put the pump into another plastic bag. With all of my clothes ready in a certain spot, I get into my lovely, comfortable shower. Luckily, I was mostly finished when I heard the lawn mower.
But damn, this poor cancer patient all hooked up to tubes and all slippery and wet with gimpy hands had to cut short my shower, dive to my knees and crawl out of the shower. Along the hard tile floor, I dragged myself and my towel and clothing into the tiny toilet closet to dry off, peel off plastic, and get dressed. I realized the bathroom window was open and I suppose the sound of the lawn mower drowned out the bad words coming freely from my mouth. Then I remembered that there is plenty of dog poop out there because, they are supposed to come on THURSDAY. I am feeling happy at this moment that they had to mow over and step in dog poop for interrupting my shower. Like I said, I am human.
My husband is human, too. Let's just say colon cancer chemo does not send women into chemically induced menopause like breast cancer chemo. To be not so subtle about this matter, I still get PMS. Understandably, men do not respond well to this syndrome. Life is still life, even with cancer and the other night, I wasn't so nice to my husband and it made him not so happy with me for about 15 minutes. The next morning the explanation arrived for my nastiness and his. I don't know--it just made me laugh.
But last night! Oh yes, last night the expletives and deleteds swirled wildly in our household. My family is in constant car chaos. I believe I am ready to write a four part series about why we ended up in the Police Beat section of our local paper, the Mukilteo Beacon, last January. Our old 1986 Chevy suburban we inherited when Dave's Dad died has found a new home as of a week ago with some wealthy earth friendly people in the San Juan Islands. It will be used sparingly to haul guests and occasionally a boat. With the money, we bought Lucas a used Subaru Outback because our 1987 Jeep that he has been driving is.....is not in good shape. In fact, it barely makes it up the hill out of our neighborhood these days. Lucas and Magali are moving into an apartment near the UW and over the last week, our household has been finding furniture and household items on Craig's list and picking them up with the various cars we own. Often, with used cars, you end up with one set of keys.
Yes, one set of keys. Lucas had a deadline of 6 PM to pick up some chairs in Lake Stevens. He was planning to use our Honda Pilot. At this point, both Dave and Lucas are regretting getting rid of the Chevy Suburban so soon when they knew all of this hauling business was going to be happening. The mattress store called to say the mattress set was ready to be picked up and the landlord wanted to meet with the kids to explain outlets and so forth at about 8 PM. The plan was to send Lucas off and then Dave would meet him in Seattle at the apartment with the mattress strapped to the top of the Subaru. Dave backed the Subaru out of the driveway and partly into the street, got out to check something and.....he shut the door. The car was locked and running.
I had just had chemo and was feeling like a truck had run over me when all of this was occurring. Everyone came into the house in a mad frenzy. Lucas was mad at Dave. Dave was expleting all over the place. "Ok, I do not need this stress! Call a lock and key place. Geez!" I then covered my ears and and sang "La La La" until they all left the room. Lucas left to get the chairs. Dave ran around like a chicken with his head cut off while the Subaru continued to emit CO2 out in our driveway. He called about five places with some saying the soonest they could arrive would be one hour. Finally, Dave contacted Cascade Lock and Key and they arrived in five minutes and took five minutes to solve the problem. And off Dave went.
When we went to bed last night, Dave was helping me tape my tubing to keep me from rolling on it while I sleep. I started laughing until my stomach hurt. "What's so funny?"
"YOU! When you locked the keys in the car! It was really quite hysterical. You have to realize it was very funny."
Whew! Can't this cancer patient have some peace and quiet? Of course not. Not all of time....because my family is human.
// posted by Janet @ 11:47 AM
5 comments
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Sunday Afternoon Ramblings
How about those Olympics last night? Sure, Michael Phelps is impressive and I am old enough to have had a crush on Mark Spitz back in the day along with every other red blooded American teen age girl. Yes, Phelps is cool and winning all of those gold medals and passing Mark Spitz by one is for the sports history books. But me? I was more thrilled to see Dara Torres win two silver medals in a row, one for an individual competition and one for a relay. The woman is 41, has participated in five Olympics and has 11 Olympic medals. She is a Mom and she is beautiful in addition to everything else. Will Phelps be winning Olympic medals when he is 41? Somehow, I doubt it. Next, I was mesmerized watching the women's marathon and seeing the 38 year old Romanian woman who is a Mom of a teen age boy win the gold medal. She was so far ahead of the rest of the runners that it was mind blowing. Her stamina, her strength and her power were inspiring to me as I watched her struggle to continue on and on.
In a weird sort of way, my cancer journey reminds me of the training athletes must endure to participate in their sport. For example, I was determined to have my normal Sunday morning routine today which includes attending church. It has been difficult for me to get to church because mornings are not my best time of day. On Sundays, I have my coffee in my Canterbury mug. It is the only day of the week I use this particular cup. I purchased it in Canterbury, England in a pottery shop in an area next to Canterbury Cathedral 19 years ago. It has a raised Celtic cross on the side of it and I enjoy the feel of the cross. Furthermore, my grandparents grew up near Canterbury along with my ancestors going way back. When I drink from the mug before attending church, it connects me to my roots and reminds me of why I am an Anglican.
Thinking of the Romanian woman helped me a lot this morning. The colon stent gives me rather severe bowel cramps for about two hours. I know now it is not the tumor because the tumor is now the size of my thumb nail rather than a baseball. My oncologist told me the stent would be uncomfortable. He did not exaggerate. After my shower, my coffee, playing the "doggie biscuit" game with Apolo and my breakfast, I was kind of in agony for a while. But I was determined to finish the marathon and go to church. Well, I made it. My priest brought me in front of the church to explain the chemo was doing its job and I was able to tell my congregation in person, "Thank you for your prayers."
Last night, in the midst of watching the Olympics, I was reading from my "Praying Through Cancer" book. There was a reference in there that when we revere and praise God, it gives Him joy. All of a sudden, one of the messages my former priest had been trying to get across to us clicked with me. Kaley and Dave had been looking at the moon last night and Jupiter. It was a gorgeous night with rare visible stars in this land of cloudiness. I realized that God Almighty who surrounds the entire earth and who fills the enormity of the Universe loves little 'ole me. And when I am grateful to Him, it pleases Him. God desires loving communion with us. While I watched that Romanian woman plod her way toward the finish line, I knew I had to overcome my pain in order to make it to church.
The last couple of days have been good. I had visitors from out of town on Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon. I totally enjoy spending time with friends and engaging in "normal" conversation. I consider these visits wonderful gifts. The weather has been hot so it has been difficult for me to walk but we have still been able to do my "short and sweet" totally uphill in the evenings.
Always, I am trying to look for and figure out the positive aspects of my cancer journey. The good parts of it are around me everyday and I strive to be awake to them. When Dave comes home from the grocery store and tells me he has run into a friend who decided to get that colonoscopy because of me, I am deeply gratified.
How about those Olympics last night? Sure, Michael Phelps is impressive and I am old enough to have had a crush on Mark Spitz back in the day along with every other red blooded American teen age girl. Yes, Phelps is cool and winning all of those gold medals and passing Mark Spitz by one is for the sports history books. But me? I was more thrilled to see Dara Torres win two silver medals in a row, one for an individual competition and one for a relay. The woman is 41, has participated in five Olympics and has 11 Olympic medals. She is a Mom and she is beautiful in addition to everything else. Will Phelps be winning Olympic medals when he is 41? Somehow, I doubt it. Next, I was mesmerized watching the women's marathon and seeing the 38 year old Romanian woman who is a Mom of a teen age boy win the gold medal. She was so far ahead of the rest of the runners that it was mind blowing. Her stamina, her strength and her power were inspiring to me as I watched her struggle to continue on and on.
In a weird sort of way, my cancer journey reminds me of the training athletes must endure to participate in their sport. For example, I was determined to have my normal Sunday morning routine today which includes attending church. It has been difficult for me to get to church because mornings are not my best time of day. On Sundays, I have my coffee in my Canterbury mug. It is the only day of the week I use this particular cup. I purchased it in Canterbury, England in a pottery shop in an area next to Canterbury Cathedral 19 years ago. It has a raised Celtic cross on the side of it and I enjoy the feel of the cross. Furthermore, my grandparents grew up near Canterbury along with my ancestors going way back. When I drink from the mug before attending church, it connects me to my roots and reminds me of why I am an Anglican.
Thinking of the Romanian woman helped me a lot this morning. The colon stent gives me rather severe bowel cramps for about two hours. I know now it is not the tumor because the tumor is now the size of my thumb nail rather than a baseball. My oncologist told me the stent would be uncomfortable. He did not exaggerate. After my shower, my coffee, playing the "doggie biscuit" game with Apolo and my breakfast, I was kind of in agony for a while. But I was determined to finish the marathon and go to church. Well, I made it. My priest brought me in front of the church to explain the chemo was doing its job and I was able to tell my congregation in person, "Thank you for your prayers."
Last night, in the midst of watching the Olympics, I was reading from my "Praying Through Cancer" book. There was a reference in there that when we revere and praise God, it gives Him joy. All of a sudden, one of the messages my former priest had been trying to get across to us clicked with me. Kaley and Dave had been looking at the moon last night and Jupiter. It was a gorgeous night with rare visible stars in this land of cloudiness. I realized that God Almighty who surrounds the entire earth and who fills the enormity of the Universe loves little 'ole me. And when I am grateful to Him, it pleases Him. God desires loving communion with us. While I watched that Romanian woman plod her way toward the finish line, I knew I had to overcome my pain in order to make it to church.
The last couple of days have been good. I had visitors from out of town on Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon. I totally enjoy spending time with friends and engaging in "normal" conversation. I consider these visits wonderful gifts. The weather has been hot so it has been difficult for me to walk but we have still been able to do my "short and sweet" totally uphill in the evenings.
Always, I am trying to look for and figure out the positive aspects of my cancer journey. The good parts of it are around me everyday and I strive to be awake to them. When Dave comes home from the grocery store and tells me he has run into a friend who decided to get that colonoscopy because of me, I am deeply gratified.
// posted by Janet @ 1:00 PM
2 comments
Thursday, August 14, 2008
A New Day and A New Attitude
We have had some difficult days over the past two months. I do not deny it. Very early on when I first received the diagnosis and when all of the procedures and the first chemo left me quite ill, there were times I was not sure I'd make it through the summer. I would be curled in the fetal postion on my bed saying to Dave I did not know if I could do this.
But then, even though the doctor told me the effects of the chemo would be cumulative, leaving me more weak and tired each time, I still felt better. The difficulty breathing went away. This odd cough I had went away. The fevers and the night sweats went away. Some of the pain in my lower abdomen and my side went away. I discovered I was using less pain medications and I was able to eat more. I still have difficult mornings and some trying evenings because of the chemo effects on my digestive system, though.
Yesterday morning was just delightful. I woke up with the knowledge that Tum and his buddies in my abdomen were getting blasted away. A dear old friend of ours from Nashville was passing through on his way back from fishing in Canada. He joined us for breakfast coffee and pastries on our deck in the bright sunshine and we shared the news with him. We had some big and wonderful hugs and some prayer. After he left for the airport, I continued to spend a pleasant morning outside. I think the best way to describe it is that I was rejoicing though I only thought of the word just now. One of my protectors, a bald eagle, was sitting in a tree and I observed a hummingbird flit around and fly off.
I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. I do not feel great a good share of the time. However, knowing that the chemo is working changes everything. It is easier to visualize and imagine positive effects. I will have more stamina to tolerate the icky parts. I have learned that mass prayer is uplifting and powerful. The whole "hope" thing has grown tremendously. Staying positive and pulling myself off of the couch to walk and clean out the dishwasher and live my normal life will continue to be a challenge.
With God's ever presence, I am doing the best I can. And yes, I will be around to vote in the presidential election!
We have had some difficult days over the past two months. I do not deny it. Very early on when I first received the diagnosis and when all of the procedures and the first chemo left me quite ill, there were times I was not sure I'd make it through the summer. I would be curled in the fetal postion on my bed saying to Dave I did not know if I could do this.
But then, even though the doctor told me the effects of the chemo would be cumulative, leaving me more weak and tired each time, I still felt better. The difficulty breathing went away. This odd cough I had went away. The fevers and the night sweats went away. Some of the pain in my lower abdomen and my side went away. I discovered I was using less pain medications and I was able to eat more. I still have difficult mornings and some trying evenings because of the chemo effects on my digestive system, though.
Yesterday morning was just delightful. I woke up with the knowledge that Tum and his buddies in my abdomen were getting blasted away. A dear old friend of ours from Nashville was passing through on his way back from fishing in Canada. He joined us for breakfast coffee and pastries on our deck in the bright sunshine and we shared the news with him. We had some big and wonderful hugs and some prayer. After he left for the airport, I continued to spend a pleasant morning outside. I think the best way to describe it is that I was rejoicing though I only thought of the word just now. One of my protectors, a bald eagle, was sitting in a tree and I observed a hummingbird flit around and fly off.
I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. I do not feel great a good share of the time. However, knowing that the chemo is working changes everything. It is easier to visualize and imagine positive effects. I will have more stamina to tolerate the icky parts. I have learned that mass prayer is uplifting and powerful. The whole "hope" thing has grown tremendously. Staying positive and pulling myself off of the couch to walk and clean out the dishwasher and live my normal life will continue to be a challenge.
With God's ever presence, I am doing the best I can. And yes, I will be around to vote in the presidential election!
// posted by Janet @ 1:20 PM
5 comments
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A Smiling Oncologist
I can read people's faces quite well. Back in June when we first heard the news about my CT scan, the look on the surgeon's face, a young woman, was disturbing. The words that came out of her mouth were, "It's not good. The CT scan is not good." She then went on to explain where all of the tumors were entangled and that surgery would not be possible. Obviously, Dave and I both burst into tears and she tried to reassure us that there was hope--we should not lose hope and she would send us to the best oncologist in Seattle.
My oncologist was smiling today. The minute he walked in the exam room, I noticed his smile. It was a good smile. My own feelings were that things were shrinking but I was obviously way off base in reading signals from my own body before my diagnosis so I have been hesitant to rely on my impressions. Evidently, Tum, the tumor with tenticles, is not faring so well with the chemotherapy. The large tumor in my colon has reduced in size from 7.5 cm to 1.6 cm in diameter. There is no evidence of any tumor entangling my small intestines or my uterus. Of course, the major concern is my liver tumors. The CT report says there is a "dramatic decrease in the size of many of these lesions." The biggest one has decreased in size as well. My liver function is normal and it always has been (probably due to all of the Seattle coffee I drink.) So basically, I am now left with a shrinking tumor in my colon and several shrinking tumors in my liver. The oncologist was pleased with the significant results since I have only had 4 chemos.
The plan is to continue with what is apparently working--chemotherapy. I will continue with my regular schedule of chemo every other Monday. Again, I will have four more chemos and then we will again see via a CT scan how well Tum, the tumor without tenticles, is handling it all.
Thank you to all of you out there who have been praying for me. The prayers have helped. And I will rely on all of you again through this next round!
I can read people's faces quite well. Back in June when we first heard the news about my CT scan, the look on the surgeon's face, a young woman, was disturbing. The words that came out of her mouth were, "It's not good. The CT scan is not good." She then went on to explain where all of the tumors were entangled and that surgery would not be possible. Obviously, Dave and I both burst into tears and she tried to reassure us that there was hope--we should not lose hope and she would send us to the best oncologist in Seattle.
My oncologist was smiling today. The minute he walked in the exam room, I noticed his smile. It was a good smile. My own feelings were that things were shrinking but I was obviously way off base in reading signals from my own body before my diagnosis so I have been hesitant to rely on my impressions. Evidently, Tum, the tumor with tenticles, is not faring so well with the chemotherapy. The large tumor in my colon has reduced in size from 7.5 cm to 1.6 cm in diameter. There is no evidence of any tumor entangling my small intestines or my uterus. Of course, the major concern is my liver tumors. The CT report says there is a "dramatic decrease in the size of many of these lesions." The biggest one has decreased in size as well. My liver function is normal and it always has been (probably due to all of the Seattle coffee I drink.) So basically, I am now left with a shrinking tumor in my colon and several shrinking tumors in my liver. The oncologist was pleased with the significant results since I have only had 4 chemos.
The plan is to continue with what is apparently working--chemotherapy. I will continue with my regular schedule of chemo every other Monday. Again, I will have four more chemos and then we will again see via a CT scan how well Tum, the tumor without tenticles, is handling it all.
Thank you to all of you out there who have been praying for me. The prayers have helped. And I will rely on all of you again through this next round!
// posted by Janet @ 4:52 PM
19 comments
Monday, August 11, 2008
Top Ten Good Things About Having Cancer
10. My children have become remarkably independent. Not only are they helping me but they are taking care of their own needs.
9. My husband will do anything for me and if I give him the "look" about his laptop, he will turn it off. And it is not allowed in our bedroom and bathroom which is MY sanctuary.
8. I can say and do whatever I want even if that means making a joke that might be considered naughty----like what our rolled up flank steak looked like last night. However, it was a delicious gift from a friend and we enjoyed it. I even was able to eat some of it.
7. I can drink Mai Tai mix without the alcohol, close my eyes, and pretend I am in Hawaii for a few minutes.
6. I have received so many cool gifts including a hand made shawl from my church and a beautiful afghan from a friend of my mother's which is cozy and my favorite colors.
5. If I feel like being lazy, I do not have to apologize to anyone.
4. I do not feel like I am wasting time if I read the Sunday comics which I have now started doing.
3. When I have days when I do not feel so well, it just makes the good days even better---kind of like when you stop banging your head against the wall, it feels so good.
2. I am like a walking citronella candle. I have so many toxic chemicals in me, one little circle around the deck eliminates the mosquitoes. And if any of them stay behind and bite me, they drop dead.
1. And finally, the number one good thing about having cancer: I can tell phone survey people to get lost. Yesterday, the phone rang and I thought perhaps it was a political survey which I do not mind responding to. You know, how they never give you a chance to say anything before they launch into the survey. This guy started to list about 80 different shampoos and asked me which products I used. I told him my shampoo but then he started with conditioners and other hair products. I then told him I did not want to continue with the survey because I was undergoing chemotherapy and I was losing my hair and it was just too much for me to answer questions about hair products. "Oh, ma'am, I am so so so sorry to bother you. Really, I am so sorry. Take care, good bye!" I cracked up after I hung up the phone. How wicked of me! Yes, my hair is shedding but I have not lost it.
10. My children have become remarkably independent. Not only are they helping me but they are taking care of their own needs.
9. My husband will do anything for me and if I give him the "look" about his laptop, he will turn it off. And it is not allowed in our bedroom and bathroom which is MY sanctuary.
8. I can say and do whatever I want even if that means making a joke that might be considered naughty----like what our rolled up flank steak looked like last night. However, it was a delicious gift from a friend and we enjoyed it. I even was able to eat some of it.
7. I can drink Mai Tai mix without the alcohol, close my eyes, and pretend I am in Hawaii for a few minutes.
6. I have received so many cool gifts including a hand made shawl from my church and a beautiful afghan from a friend of my mother's which is cozy and my favorite colors.
5. If I feel like being lazy, I do not have to apologize to anyone.
4. I do not feel like I am wasting time if I read the Sunday comics which I have now started doing.
3. When I have days when I do not feel so well, it just makes the good days even better---kind of like when you stop banging your head against the wall, it feels so good.
2. I am like a walking citronella candle. I have so many toxic chemicals in me, one little circle around the deck eliminates the mosquitoes. And if any of them stay behind and bite me, they drop dead.
1. And finally, the number one good thing about having cancer: I can tell phone survey people to get lost. Yesterday, the phone rang and I thought perhaps it was a political survey which I do not mind responding to. You know, how they never give you a chance to say anything before they launch into the survey. This guy started to list about 80 different shampoos and asked me which products I used. I told him my shampoo but then he started with conditioners and other hair products. I then told him I did not want to continue with the survey because I was undergoing chemotherapy and I was losing my hair and it was just too much for me to answer questions about hair products. "Oh, ma'am, I am so so so sorry to bother you. Really, I am so sorry. Take care, good bye!" I cracked up after I hung up the phone. How wicked of me! Yes, my hair is shedding but I have not lost it.
// posted by Janet @ 1:19 PM
2 comments
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Babies
Every couple of years or so, we have a pair of swallows who want to nest inside our portico. Usually, they decide it is too much like Grand Central Station and they move on. This year, however, they moved in. I believe it is because I am the one who uses the front door the most and since I have been out of commission, the swallows believed our porch would be a quiet home to raise a family. Once they had a good start on the nest, we did not have the heart to knock it down and encourage them to go elsewhere.
It has been a delight for all of us to watch the progress in spite of the horrible mess right outside our front door. Like I have said before, there are certain things that used to bother me that I do not care about anymore---like a messy front porch. We watched Sammy and Sarah carefully build the nest. We watched while they took turns both male and female presumably sitting on little eggs. Not long after, I noticed some teeny tiny eggshells had fallen out of the nest. It was not long before we could see four yellow mouths squawking away while both Mom and Dad took turns feeding them.
Mom and Dad are still providing food but the baby swallows appear to be receiving flying lessons which I think would include feeding lessons. Both Mom and Dad are very attentive. I decided today to take a picture because the babies are outgrowing the nest. I do not know how much longer they will be with us. Needless to say, we have become quite attached. Friends who have come to visit have had to be a tad careful about being dive bombed by Mom and Dad but the birds seem to know we like them and they feel safe as our sublettees.
Pictures taken this morning:
Four adorable baby swallows!
The mess--nothing that my super power washer husband can't take care of.
Every couple of years or so, we have a pair of swallows who want to nest inside our portico. Usually, they decide it is too much like Grand Central Station and they move on. This year, however, they moved in. I believe it is because I am the one who uses the front door the most and since I have been out of commission, the swallows believed our porch would be a quiet home to raise a family. Once they had a good start on the nest, we did not have the heart to knock it down and encourage them to go elsewhere.
It has been a delight for all of us to watch the progress in spite of the horrible mess right outside our front door. Like I have said before, there are certain things that used to bother me that I do not care about anymore---like a messy front porch. We watched Sammy and Sarah carefully build the nest. We watched while they took turns both male and female presumably sitting on little eggs. Not long after, I noticed some teeny tiny eggshells had fallen out of the nest. It was not long before we could see four yellow mouths squawking away while both Mom and Dad took turns feeding them.
Mom and Dad are still providing food but the baby swallows appear to be receiving flying lessons which I think would include feeding lessons. Both Mom and Dad are very attentive. I decided today to take a picture because the babies are outgrowing the nest. I do not know how much longer they will be with us. Needless to say, we have become quite attached. Friends who have come to visit have had to be a tad careful about being dive bombed by Mom and Dad but the birds seem to know we like them and they feel safe as our sublettees.
Pictures taken this morning:
Four adorable baby swallows!
The mess--nothing that my super power washer husband can't take care of.
// posted by Janet @ 10:50 AM
6 comments
Thursday, August 07, 2008
A Bit of This and That
1. My puppy Apolo loves me. He wants to be with me or at least cuddle where I last left my smell. He takes great delight in crawling onto my couch perch when I leave the family room. The other evening, we retired early into our bedroom so I could soak in the bath. Apolo started with his high pitched baby barks in the family room complaining about being left alone. I told Dave to let him in our bedroom and he bounced his way in there as happy as could be. When he saw me in the tub, he bounded into the bathroom to lick me. Unfortunately, we had to break his heart and drag him out when it was time to go to sleep.
2. I was unhooked from my pump yesterday afternoon. It is amazing how free you feel when you do not have to carry around a heavy fanny pack everywhere. Afterwards, we stopped at the store. I have not been in the grocery store or anywhere except mostly medical visits since last June. I felt ok--almost normal. Dave told me I looked good--hot even. This is because I found some shorts in my drawer that were too small for me last summer and since it was about 85 yesterday, I wore them. It was truly a wonderful complement. When we got home, we went for my 1.7 mile hilly walk. Lucas and Dave accompanied me. I am a little weak to handle Apolo alone so I have never walked without Dave.
3. Today, the ookie effects of the chemo hit me and will last for a few days. But, I am learning to take pills. Before all of this happened the only prescription drug I had was an inhaler for occasional use. Halves of pills work for me. If I need more, I take the other half.
4. My normal summer would involve hiking with my friend Nora or my son Lucas. As it happens, the snow pack in our mountains has been so deep that many of the trails I would want to hike, are too snowy. Next year--for sure next year! Speaking of hiking, we had such a tragedy here a few days ago. A 54 year old woman was hiking on a popular trail on Sauk Mountain. The state has opened a one month bear hunting season for August. A grandfather dropped off his two grandsons, ages 16 and 14, who were legally licensed to hunt for bears, in the Sauk Mountain area. The teens had no adult with them which is perfectly legal as well. The 14 year old boy mistook the 54 year old woman for a bear and shot and killed her. Needless to say, hunters and hikers are in an uproar and the state is now reevaluating regulations in order to prevent this from ever happening again.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008097220_hunt07m0.html
5. Finally, I haven't had the chance to visit a lot of our beaches because of being ill. I'm thinking this may not be such a bad thing. You see, shoes with human feet in them keep washing up. Five washed up in B.C. and just a few days ago, a shoe washed up on one of our Washington beaches. Way back in the 80's during the Green River murders, many of the bodies were discovered by dogs---people walking their dogs. You know, they leap into a bush and find a .....bone.....and they are so thrilled with their treasure. One of my biggest fears has always been that a dog of mine would end up with a grisly find. Apolo loves athletic shoes. Even though he is over 6 years old, we still cannot leave our shoes on the floor in front of him. If the door is open, he'll grab the shoe and run outside to hide and chew on it. And if there is a smelly sock inside of it that he can shove his nose into????? Oh my, doggie heaven. I'm just sayin'--a trip to the beach where Apolo might find a treasure with a human foot inside would just not do it for me. He, on the other hand, would be the happiest creature on earth.
1. My puppy Apolo loves me. He wants to be with me or at least cuddle where I last left my smell. He takes great delight in crawling onto my couch perch when I leave the family room. The other evening, we retired early into our bedroom so I could soak in the bath. Apolo started with his high pitched baby barks in the family room complaining about being left alone. I told Dave to let him in our bedroom and he bounced his way in there as happy as could be. When he saw me in the tub, he bounded into the bathroom to lick me. Unfortunately, we had to break his heart and drag him out when it was time to go to sleep.
2. I was unhooked from my pump yesterday afternoon. It is amazing how free you feel when you do not have to carry around a heavy fanny pack everywhere. Afterwards, we stopped at the store. I have not been in the grocery store or anywhere except mostly medical visits since last June. I felt ok--almost normal. Dave told me I looked good--hot even. This is because I found some shorts in my drawer that were too small for me last summer and since it was about 85 yesterday, I wore them. It was truly a wonderful complement. When we got home, we went for my 1.7 mile hilly walk. Lucas and Dave accompanied me. I am a little weak to handle Apolo alone so I have never walked without Dave.
3. Today, the ookie effects of the chemo hit me and will last for a few days. But, I am learning to take pills. Before all of this happened the only prescription drug I had was an inhaler for occasional use. Halves of pills work for me. If I need more, I take the other half.
4. My normal summer would involve hiking with my friend Nora or my son Lucas. As it happens, the snow pack in our mountains has been so deep that many of the trails I would want to hike, are too snowy. Next year--for sure next year! Speaking of hiking, we had such a tragedy here a few days ago. A 54 year old woman was hiking on a popular trail on Sauk Mountain. The state has opened a one month bear hunting season for August. A grandfather dropped off his two grandsons, ages 16 and 14, who were legally licensed to hunt for bears, in the Sauk Mountain area. The teens had no adult with them which is perfectly legal as well. The 14 year old boy mistook the 54 year old woman for a bear and shot and killed her. Needless to say, hunters and hikers are in an uproar and the state is now reevaluating regulations in order to prevent this from ever happening again.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008097220_hunt07m0.html
5. Finally, I haven't had the chance to visit a lot of our beaches because of being ill. I'm thinking this may not be such a bad thing. You see, shoes with human feet in them keep washing up. Five washed up in B.C. and just a few days ago, a shoe washed up on one of our Washington beaches. Way back in the 80's during the Green River murders, many of the bodies were discovered by dogs---people walking their dogs. You know, they leap into a bush and find a .....bone.....and they are so thrilled with their treasure. One of my biggest fears has always been that a dog of mine would end up with a grisly find. Apolo loves athletic shoes. Even though he is over 6 years old, we still cannot leave our shoes on the floor in front of him. If the door is open, he'll grab the shoe and run outside to hide and chew on it. And if there is a smelly sock inside of it that he can shove his nose into????? Oh my, doggie heaven. I'm just sayin'--a trip to the beach where Apolo might find a treasure with a human foot inside would just not do it for me. He, on the other hand, would be the happiest creature on earth.
// posted by Janet @ 11:34 AM
0 comments
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Chemo Room Gossip
Yesterday, I had my fourth chemo. On Friday of this week, my CT scan is scheduled to see what progress we have made and we will find out the results next week. After that, we will figure out what is next. Yes, I am scared but I want to know what is going on inside of me. God keeps whispering to me, "Fear not, for I am with you--always!" Of course, I have no choice so being fearful or worried is wasted energy.
I realize I have been lucky to be having a tranquil existence this summer while I go through all of this. Yes, Apolo barks way too much but Dave has agreed to stop yelling at him which upsets me and instead, he squirts him with water from a spray bottle. Now if we could get someone to spray the Oxyclean guy with water, my life would be totally relaxed. Yesterday at SCCA, they put me in a little curtained off place with just a chair instead of a hospital bed. It was extremely noisy and it made me miss my normally pleasant chemo days. The chairs are for folks who may just need to be there for a couple of hours but my chemo takes 4-6 hours. I did not complain but before they started me with my Christmas tree of IV bags, they asked if I would prefer a more private room with a bed. Evidently, they were busy busy and a bed had just opened up. "Yes, please--I would much prefer it."
While we were waiting for the bed, I could not help but hear the conversation through the curtain from the chair next door. I'm probably invading someone's privacy here so I will not use names but I thought what I heard was interesting. Church and faith come up a lot when you are receiving chemo. The first question the social worker asked me during my second chemo was whether or not I had a faith community. The minute she said it, I burst into tears. I told her I had the most wonderful church with a fabulous priest who was retiring and an equally fabulous priest who was replacing him. And I continued to brag about my church friends--the entire congregation. She explained how important this aspect of my treatment was and informed us of the chapel in SCCA and the always available chaplain.
As I was sitting in my uncomfortable chair, the man next to me receiving treatment was evidently was a doctor himself. He was telling the nurse that when he was in church Sunday, he noticed a very familiar face along with his wife. Let's just say this person used to be the richest man in the world but I think he is down the list a ways at this point. The doctor was explaining that this was a Roman Catholic church and "the" family was there for their child's First Communion. Now I know that the rich man's Mom who died several years ago of ovarian cancer was an Episcopalian because she was very involved in the church in Seattle where we attended before we moved to Mukilteo. I assume she had some influence on her son although she was never happy he did not finish college. Obviously, rich man's wife is Catholic so they are bringing their children up in this particular faith. The doctor continued to tell the nurse that "the" family was there just like any other family with no body guards or limos or fanfare. After the service, they hopped in their car like everyone else and drove off.
Finally, we were led to a more comfortable and quiet room with a bed. However, one side was curtained off from another bed providing another opportunity for eavesdropping. Ok, it is not my nature to be snoopy but Dave was quietly doing some work in the chair next to me and you cannot help but hear. Besides, I am curious by nature. The elderly gentleman next to me was also a doctor---long time retired and living in the San Juan Islands. His wife had died a few years ago of cancer so he was accompanied by a younger man who was his friend from church. The nurse asked him if he was Orthodox something or other because of the interesting cross he was wearing. He explained it was a Celtic cross and he was an Episcopalian. I wanted to rip the curtain open and yell with my thumbs up, "Go, Episcopalians!" but I thought discretion was the better option. I loved how he then proceeded to tell the nurse about his beliefs and how being an Episcopalian was for him the best way to express his faith.
The elderly man was there for about as long as I was. But instead of going home, he was heading for his sailboat to be with his son and other friends and family. To complete this story, I'll drop names. He said his son was good friends with Diana Krall and Elvis Costello and they would be joining them on the boat.
You never know what you are going to learn when you get chemo.
Yesterday, I had my fourth chemo. On Friday of this week, my CT scan is scheduled to see what progress we have made and we will find out the results next week. After that, we will figure out what is next. Yes, I am scared but I want to know what is going on inside of me. God keeps whispering to me, "Fear not, for I am with you--always!" Of course, I have no choice so being fearful or worried is wasted energy.
I realize I have been lucky to be having a tranquil existence this summer while I go through all of this. Yes, Apolo barks way too much but Dave has agreed to stop yelling at him which upsets me and instead, he squirts him with water from a spray bottle. Now if we could get someone to spray the Oxyclean guy with water, my life would be totally relaxed. Yesterday at SCCA, they put me in a little curtained off place with just a chair instead of a hospital bed. It was extremely noisy and it made me miss my normally pleasant chemo days. The chairs are for folks who may just need to be there for a couple of hours but my chemo takes 4-6 hours. I did not complain but before they started me with my Christmas tree of IV bags, they asked if I would prefer a more private room with a bed. Evidently, they were busy busy and a bed had just opened up. "Yes, please--I would much prefer it."
While we were waiting for the bed, I could not help but hear the conversation through the curtain from the chair next door. I'm probably invading someone's privacy here so I will not use names but I thought what I heard was interesting. Church and faith come up a lot when you are receiving chemo. The first question the social worker asked me during my second chemo was whether or not I had a faith community. The minute she said it, I burst into tears. I told her I had the most wonderful church with a fabulous priest who was retiring and an equally fabulous priest who was replacing him. And I continued to brag about my church friends--the entire congregation. She explained how important this aspect of my treatment was and informed us of the chapel in SCCA and the always available chaplain.
As I was sitting in my uncomfortable chair, the man next to me receiving treatment was evidently was a doctor himself. He was telling the nurse that when he was in church Sunday, he noticed a very familiar face along with his wife. Let's just say this person used to be the richest man in the world but I think he is down the list a ways at this point. The doctor was explaining that this was a Roman Catholic church and "the" family was there for their child's First Communion. Now I know that the rich man's Mom who died several years ago of ovarian cancer was an Episcopalian because she was very involved in the church in Seattle where we attended before we moved to Mukilteo. I assume she had some influence on her son although she was never happy he did not finish college. Obviously, rich man's wife is Catholic so they are bringing their children up in this particular faith. The doctor continued to tell the nurse that "the" family was there just like any other family with no body guards or limos or fanfare. After the service, they hopped in their car like everyone else and drove off.
Finally, we were led to a more comfortable and quiet room with a bed. However, one side was curtained off from another bed providing another opportunity for eavesdropping. Ok, it is not my nature to be snoopy but Dave was quietly doing some work in the chair next to me and you cannot help but hear. Besides, I am curious by nature. The elderly gentleman next to me was also a doctor---long time retired and living in the San Juan Islands. His wife had died a few years ago of cancer so he was accompanied by a younger man who was his friend from church. The nurse asked him if he was Orthodox something or other because of the interesting cross he was wearing. He explained it was a Celtic cross and he was an Episcopalian. I wanted to rip the curtain open and yell with my thumbs up, "Go, Episcopalians!" but I thought discretion was the better option. I loved how he then proceeded to tell the nurse about his beliefs and how being an Episcopalian was for him the best way to express his faith.
The elderly man was there for about as long as I was. But instead of going home, he was heading for his sailboat to be with his son and other friends and family. To complete this story, I'll drop names. He said his son was good friends with Diana Krall and Elvis Costello and they would be joining them on the boat.
You never know what you are going to learn when you get chemo.
// posted by Janet @ 11:55 AM
2 comments
Sunday, August 03, 2008
But Wait, There's More!
These past couple of months I have spent more time in front of the TV than I normally would. I have my perch on the couch with my pillows and afghan. Oftentimes, when I am in pain or feeling particularly tired, reading books, looking at magazines or even reading the newspaper is a little more than I can handle. Cable TV gets my business. Even though my appetite has been affected, I still enjoy the Food Channel and watched with interest as the new Food Network Star was selected.
I am intimately familiar with what is happening in the presidential election campaigns and have decided if I have to be sick, I am glad it is during a presidential election year. Politics is one of my big interests. However, the local ads for governor are becoming tiresome. Some of the ads make the candidate I do not support look like he might actually eat babies if given the chance. We get the message--ok, people?!
But it is the advertisements for various products and services that are beginning to drive me absolutely bonkers. Do not get me wrong. I do not spend every waking minute on my perch in front of the TV. Sometimes, I am outside and lately, my daily walks have increased to my regular 1.7 mile route with hills and everything. I do not always feel like going on a walk but you just have to try to make it work. I don't deny that afterwards, I collapse onto my perch feeling exhausted.
I won't even get into the Viagra, Levitra, Cialis or Flomax ads. These I tune out. Also, I still do not really understand the Verizon commercials with the huge crowd of people following you around as if this is a wonderful thing. Now the crowd seems to protect families from ghosts and horrible things.
Here are the five commercials that truly bug me:
1. E Harmony. For weeks now they have been running this ad where these two people found each other to live happily ever after. They discovered through E Harmony they had everything in common. I'm sorry, but the man and the woman look exactly alike with the same mild under bite and hair color. I am certain they were twins separated at birth and raised by different parents only to become connected with one another on an online dating service. It was not my imagination. When I mentioned it to Dave, he told me he thought the exact same thing. I am not sure they are running this ad anymore. Perhaps the couple discovered the true circumstances of their remarkable compatibility and are now undergoing psychotherapy.
2. Catheter. An attractive young woman explains how terrible her life has been because she has had to reuse catheters. Having recently had the experience of catheters with some of my medical tests, this commercial caught my attention. I do not know why the commercial does not stop at this point and explain how you can obtain new catheters. But no. The woman goes on and on to explain how she has had to boil used catheters leaving her with urinary tract infections. Way too much information! Plus, the ad makes me disgusted with our health care system if we even have to have advertisements for new sterile catheters.
3. Centaur in the shower. This commercial scares and disturbs me. A half man and half horse is taking a shower with Old Spice. After the shower, he is then joined by an attractive woman in a robe. Yikes! What is the message supposed to be with this one?
4. McDonald's coffee. We have all seen these ads. Hip looking people are sitting in a Starbuck's when they realize they can get the same type of fancy coffee drinks at McDonald's. They are so relieved they do not have to be pretentious and go to Starbuck's anymore. Come on! Do people really think they'd enjoy sitting in a McDonald's with screaming and sticky children and tiny tables with crumbs and uncomfortable plastic chairs? Give me a comfy Starbuck's overstuffed chair and a fireplace any day!
5. But Wait, There's More. Billy Mays, the Oxy Clean guy is simply too much for this ill person to bear. Last night I saw him selling a hamburger press/grill thingamajig probably on the food channel. And of course, if you order it, they will send you three more useless items for the same price. He yells at the top of his lungs throughout all of his commercials. I have decided he may be profoundly deaf and nobody has informed him.
Actually, there are some commercials that are not so bad. Maybe someday, I'll post those.
These past couple of months I have spent more time in front of the TV than I normally would. I have my perch on the couch with my pillows and afghan. Oftentimes, when I am in pain or feeling particularly tired, reading books, looking at magazines or even reading the newspaper is a little more than I can handle. Cable TV gets my business. Even though my appetite has been affected, I still enjoy the Food Channel and watched with interest as the new Food Network Star was selected.
I am intimately familiar with what is happening in the presidential election campaigns and have decided if I have to be sick, I am glad it is during a presidential election year. Politics is one of my big interests. However, the local ads for governor are becoming tiresome. Some of the ads make the candidate I do not support look like he might actually eat babies if given the chance. We get the message--ok, people?!
But it is the advertisements for various products and services that are beginning to drive me absolutely bonkers. Do not get me wrong. I do not spend every waking minute on my perch in front of the TV. Sometimes, I am outside and lately, my daily walks have increased to my regular 1.7 mile route with hills and everything. I do not always feel like going on a walk but you just have to try to make it work. I don't deny that afterwards, I collapse onto my perch feeling exhausted.
I won't even get into the Viagra, Levitra, Cialis or Flomax ads. These I tune out. Also, I still do not really understand the Verizon commercials with the huge crowd of people following you around as if this is a wonderful thing. Now the crowd seems to protect families from ghosts and horrible things.
Here are the five commercials that truly bug me:
1. E Harmony. For weeks now they have been running this ad where these two people found each other to live happily ever after. They discovered through E Harmony they had everything in common. I'm sorry, but the man and the woman look exactly alike with the same mild under bite and hair color. I am certain they were twins separated at birth and raised by different parents only to become connected with one another on an online dating service. It was not my imagination. When I mentioned it to Dave, he told me he thought the exact same thing. I am not sure they are running this ad anymore. Perhaps the couple discovered the true circumstances of their remarkable compatibility and are now undergoing psychotherapy.
2. Catheter. An attractive young woman explains how terrible her life has been because she has had to reuse catheters. Having recently had the experience of catheters with some of my medical tests, this commercial caught my attention. I do not know why the commercial does not stop at this point and explain how you can obtain new catheters. But no. The woman goes on and on to explain how she has had to boil used catheters leaving her with urinary tract infections. Way too much information! Plus, the ad makes me disgusted with our health care system if we even have to have advertisements for new sterile catheters.
3. Centaur in the shower. This commercial scares and disturbs me. A half man and half horse is taking a shower with Old Spice. After the shower, he is then joined by an attractive woman in a robe. Yikes! What is the message supposed to be with this one?
4. McDonald's coffee. We have all seen these ads. Hip looking people are sitting in a Starbuck's when they realize they can get the same type of fancy coffee drinks at McDonald's. They are so relieved they do not have to be pretentious and go to Starbuck's anymore. Come on! Do people really think they'd enjoy sitting in a McDonald's with screaming and sticky children and tiny tables with crumbs and uncomfortable plastic chairs? Give me a comfy Starbuck's overstuffed chair and a fireplace any day!
5. But Wait, There's More. Billy Mays, the Oxy Clean guy is simply too much for this ill person to bear. Last night I saw him selling a hamburger press/grill thingamajig probably on the food channel. And of course, if you order it, they will send you three more useless items for the same price. He yells at the top of his lungs throughout all of his commercials. I have decided he may be profoundly deaf and nobody has informed him.
Actually, there are some commercials that are not so bad. Maybe someday, I'll post those.
// posted by Janet @ 12:29 PM
3 comments
Friday, August 01, 2008
Shout Out
My mother encouraged me several years ago to join a very special group of women. From the time I was a little girl I always knew my Mom belonged to P.E.O. I was not a sorority person in college but I still decided that this sisterhood was worth being a part of. P.E.O. is a philanthropic organization dedicated to the support of women's education worldwide. I am particularly impressed with the help and support through scholarships provided to women from third world and oppressed countries. These women then return to their home countries after receiving advanced degrees in the United States and they apply their knowledge and skills to improve the lives of their people. In our world today, it is the education of women in places where women do not always have this opportunity that may help solve some of the worst problems.
On a smaller scale, individual P.E.O. chapters devote time and money to help in their local communities. For example, my chapter was notified of a homeless family in one of our public schools 20 minutes from my house. Three elementary school aged children were being cared for by their grandparents. Through a special program, they did manage to find housing. During the week, the school was the resource for breakfast and lunch for these three kids. It is hard to believe for some of us, but the grandparents struggled to provide all the needs, including food, for these children. Through the school, our chapter provided healthy breakfasts, lunches, and snacks for the weekends and holidays this past school year. Not only did we provide food, but we managed to come up with furniture like dressers that homeless families do not have once they find a place to live. The family has found more permanent housing in another community and we have notified another P.E.O. chapter to follow up with them.
When I learned of my diagnosis, I notified my friends in my P.E.O. chapter immediately after telling my family and my priest. My chapter has about 25 or 30 regular members who have become my dear friends over the past four years. These women have overwhelmed me with love. They have provided food, flowers, and plants. I am receiving cards nearly daily it seems. Most importantly, all of these women are giving me heartfelt prayers. Since I am one of the younger members of my particular chapter, I am being given emotional support and advice from other cancer survivors. I feel their genuine love and support and I am so so grateful.
But wait, there's more! P.E.O. is a large network, I am discovering. I have received cards and messages from other chapters in my county. And it has not stopped there. My mother's chapter in Helena, Montana has sent me individual words of encouragement from many of the members. Moreover, I am receiving cards and letters from chapters in Helena other than my Mom's. Oftentimes, I do not recognize the name signed at the bottom, but I know the person's wishes are just as authentic as if it came from my chapter. Every single card I get, I am saving.
This is a big shout out to P.E.O. I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. From the bottom of my heart!
My mother encouraged me several years ago to join a very special group of women. From the time I was a little girl I always knew my Mom belonged to P.E.O. I was not a sorority person in college but I still decided that this sisterhood was worth being a part of. P.E.O. is a philanthropic organization dedicated to the support of women's education worldwide. I am particularly impressed with the help and support through scholarships provided to women from third world and oppressed countries. These women then return to their home countries after receiving advanced degrees in the United States and they apply their knowledge and skills to improve the lives of their people. In our world today, it is the education of women in places where women do not always have this opportunity that may help solve some of the worst problems.
On a smaller scale, individual P.E.O. chapters devote time and money to help in their local communities. For example, my chapter was notified of a homeless family in one of our public schools 20 minutes from my house. Three elementary school aged children were being cared for by their grandparents. Through a special program, they did manage to find housing. During the week, the school was the resource for breakfast and lunch for these three kids. It is hard to believe for some of us, but the grandparents struggled to provide all the needs, including food, for these children. Through the school, our chapter provided healthy breakfasts, lunches, and snacks for the weekends and holidays this past school year. Not only did we provide food, but we managed to come up with furniture like dressers that homeless families do not have once they find a place to live. The family has found more permanent housing in another community and we have notified another P.E.O. chapter to follow up with them.
When I learned of my diagnosis, I notified my friends in my P.E.O. chapter immediately after telling my family and my priest. My chapter has about 25 or 30 regular members who have become my dear friends over the past four years. These women have overwhelmed me with love. They have provided food, flowers, and plants. I am receiving cards nearly daily it seems. Most importantly, all of these women are giving me heartfelt prayers. Since I am one of the younger members of my particular chapter, I am being given emotional support and advice from other cancer survivors. I feel their genuine love and support and I am so so grateful.
But wait, there's more! P.E.O. is a large network, I am discovering. I have received cards and messages from other chapters in my county. And it has not stopped there. My mother's chapter in Helena, Montana has sent me individual words of encouragement from many of the members. Moreover, I am receiving cards and letters from chapters in Helena other than my Mom's. Oftentimes, I do not recognize the name signed at the bottom, but I know the person's wishes are just as authentic as if it came from my chapter. Every single card I get, I am saving.
This is a big shout out to P.E.O. I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. From the bottom of my heart!
// posted by Janet @ 11:36 AM
1 comments
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